Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Letting go with a new heart

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."Psalm 51:10-12

I have not been one to settle into the Psalms and buckle down and read them. I know they are beautiful, I know that often, they are the words that speak what my heart feels. I often feel like David. I think he had a much better heart than me. But sometimes I am ‘up’ God is so awesome and I can’t stop praising Him, and sometimes while I know that God is amazing, I am shouting, pleading, and begging Him to rescue me.

I have really been struggling with some “stuff” lately and think “it doesn’t feel much different than when I was rolling around in my sin, maybe I should just go back”. My heart always stops me. Because I know that’s not really true. I know that now, it does feel a lot different, it’s just me, being a little more dramatic than I need to be. I am feel like I am constantly begging God to come into my heart and change it to be more like His. I am easily annoyed. And although I don’t like to admit it, I can hold onto things for weeks, even months. For example, I know someone who is a “snitch” and tattles. It drives me crazy, I want to scream “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU WORK ON AND LEAVE US ALONE”, and maybe I just need to find a nice way to address the issue, but I’ve been harboring it for almost a year, ugh!

I want to be renewed with joy and love but I need to let go of the yuckiness that hides in the cracks of my heart. Sara (I’m paraphrasing) once told me that in order for God to put something new in my hand, I needed to let go of the things I am holding on it. With this tight grip I have, I am going to release it, even if it means that a little each day I release my grip until my hand is wide open for new blessings to be put in it.

“What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us.”- 2 Tim 1:13-14


Deb said...

...stopping by to let you know that you have been on my heart these past few days and I've been praying for you!

...sending a hug!

Becky said...

i love you! yes, hug all around!

Netta said...

Hey...I've been hunting around. Are you the same one who commented yesterday on my xanga account?
Thank you!
I have a blogspot account now, too!

Jada's Gigi said...

Sara is right...let it go sister...or confront it, then let it go...peace follows