...why people want to kill themselves. I mean, I've had this discussion before. But I am going to put it out there.
... in the midst of being surrounded by people you can feel completely alone.
...that when we can get caught up in taking care of everyone else, no one takes care of us, and we just don't understand why. And it's not that we don't like taking care of everyone else, but it can be a lonely job.
...that you just don't really feel like you matter, even though you know you do.
...that feeling of looking down on an expressway from the service drive and just wanting to drive off of it. Or seeing that abdandoned building and wanting to crash into it.
I typed that all yesterday. I will tell you, that at any given moment I was fighting back tears. There wasn't really anything anyone can say to me, I just hit the book. You know The One.
And then I look at today's scripture:
Mark 9:35Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."
Here's the deal. Yesterday I was feeling like I was last, but I wanted to be first. I can't be first, because it's not about me. And I don't know what the deal was, I don't know if I was under attack or what but at 3:30AM this morning, I woke up sweating worrying about everything, my job, the stimulus packages, if China decided to cash in all the treasury bonds, and I was seriously freaking out. And then I realized... Hey Knucklehead, you have no control over ANY of that. Gave a big slap to satan, told him to leave me alone, and rolled over and slept soundly until the alarm went off.
I always have a lot going on...
Saturday is a big night. We have 1721 at the church, it's based on John 17:20-21 20"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. It's a HUGE worship night for the Youth of Downriver. I love it! I love that kids who go to different youth groups in different schools all come together to worship a God, not just any God, THE GOD, who loves us and is worthy.
I am nothing by myself, but in Him, I am everything. I should worship in everything I do.