Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Faith and Doubt

It’s been awhile since I’ve had a real post. To be honest my thoughts have not been coming together too well for the last week. At one point I thought to myself “I really shouldn’t be driving”, that was last Thursday. I was in quite a fog of Nyquil for the morning (I stayed home and slept), Mucinex, cough drops, and no food. It was pretty bad. I am starting to get it together, still moving a lot slower than I usually do. I am ready to feel better! All the way better!! How we take those things for granted. At this point I’m glad for the upgrade of poop from death.

Our worlds don’t stop turning just because we are sick. Last night we had a meeting for the Columbia trip. And I must say that I have decided that I am quite a jerk and have little faith. Why now am I nervous? I wasn’t nervous before, I know that she should go, and I’m sure nothing will happen, but if it should, I know that she was doing God’s work, but why am I getting a little nervous? I’m sure it’s normal but I feel like one of those people Jesus said “Ye of little faith”. I keep trying to think about what I would say to someone in my same position. But I feel like I'm saying to God "I don't believe You" even though I really do!

My bible reading hasn’t been what it should this past week because I couldn’t comprehend what I was reading. I am looking forward to getting back into The Word. I am sure that God will have a message for me.

Matthew 17:20 He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."


Becky said...

you're doing just great mom!

Constance said...

It's so easy to beat ourselves up, I should know, I have black & blue marks all over myself! You are no different than any other parent, faith-filled or faith challenged! I am sure that once you're feeling better, satan won't be able to plant the seeds of fear or doubt like he probably is doing now. He specializes in kicking us when we're down! I am not up to par myself between knee surgery and the whole low platelet roller-coaster. It seems I am so much more vulnerable when I am physically and emotionally stressed.