Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

New way!

Psalm 51:10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me

After having my heart broken again by the same person, only this time, it was broken because that person broke my daughter’s heart, which is actually worse. And not only hurt but angry. So I did what I knew I should do, go home, cook, and speak with the Lord. And oh what a converstation we had. You see, a lot of days I know that God loves me, but I don’t know if I always believe that Jesus got up on a cross for me. I know I shouldn’t doubt. It’s not that I doubt Jesus did, but I doubt my worth. It’s all those years of coming in 23rd in people’s lives. Beign treated like a disappointment, and inconvenience.

I just kept going on and on to God, and I am sure He was quite frankly, tired of hearing about it, and sweetly, but strongly He said “you belong to ME”. That you do have worth, to me. And in my heart, it was like God was reading His Word to me (that is why it is important to not only read His word, but KNOW IT)

I also knew that I had to, for my own sake, talk about the situation to the person who hurt us. And so I did, and I was calm, because I knew that nothing would come if I wasn’t. It didn’t end well. It actually ended with me getting yelled at and hung up on (followed by an email yesterday). Ugh. And then I was ANGRY! And HURT. My first inclination – call back and fight. But really, that was not going to make anything better. Plus, Sara’s voice and her face at the coney island came to me… if you are purposely driven the choices you make will be 100% of the time, if you are emotionally driven only 50%. Oui. So, my purpose is to be God honoring, though many times I fail, I know that is my purpose, bring Glory to His name. So, I prayed, and wept. Wondering what on earth I could have done differently. Praising Him, thinking if this would have happened to me 3 weeks ago, a cliff would have been in my future, but God intervened, thankfully. And I spoke to a dear friend who said “this is not about you, and it’s not about Phyllis either” and a lot of wise other things.

I cannot change the way people act or the things that happen. However, I can change the way I deal and react to them.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”- Galatians 2:20


Constance said...

Sometimes I just HATE myself for reacting to people and their hurtfulness! I try to remind myself that NO ONE should have that kind of control over me, except God. When I allow myself to go down that path it's a form of idolatry, being more consumed and focused on someone or some thing else rather than God. Some days I hit the mark and most days, I miss it by a mile!

" For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account."
Hebrews 4:12-13

Deb said...

You are so right in saying that we cannot change how people act, but we can change how we respond to those actions.

Being hurt by someone is no fun. Worse, seeing your CHILD be hurt by someone....ugh...far worse indeed!

I am thankful that you found solace in the Lord. He is your refuge. He cares for you and in His eyes, you are way more important than #23, in fact, you are number one!

...praying for you!!...and for the situation...that God will be glorified!