Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Sunday, May 24, 2009


Live life in such a way
that those who don't know Jesus
will come to know Jesus
because they know you

That's the signature on my Yahoo! account.

And to be honest, today, I feel like that's a huge struggle for me. That if you saw my heart today, you'd probably run from Jesus. And that's just not good. Maybe some people don't struggle like I do, or maybe they are just not as honest. Today, my heart actually hurts. Seriously hurts. I don't know if there is just a million things going on in my life that I just can't or don't want to deal with, but I really don't think that's what it is. I think that just inherintly, I'm evil to the core. And it's only when I get out of my own way that anyone could ever come to know Jesus.

As a side note, a lot of people think that you need to go to church to get the 'whole' Jesus thing. It's funny, but not in a good way, that I think that people turn from Jesus because of the church. I know that sometimes I could. And that's because the church is full of people who are human (GASP!!). Lately, I've learned more about what God wants for me and heard His Word louder on my own, seeking Him than I learn in church. Sometimes, a lot lately actually, it seems the message I get is a month late. Maybe it's meant to be a reassurance from God that I'm going the right way, but lately I'm like - I've got that one.

Last week a bunch of people said they thought of me during the "people pleaser" message because I never say no. I don't say no because I think that I am trying to please man, I say yes! because I want to serve God. To the people, I'd say "bite me" or some other word that is not suitable for this blog and it would offend someone greatly. But to God I want to say yes! At least the part of me that I've gotten out of my way and let Him take over.

And this week was about busy-ness. And I am sure that people will say again "I thought of you". Yes, I'm busy, I've always been busy, I'm taking more time for myself because I want to, and I feel like I'm being used up not used. Make sense.

So at the break we take for Fuel/Alive, I will only come back to Alive. I am not longer going to be involved in Fuel, it will be difficult, but I am looking forward to taking a Zumba class on Monday nights, I'm looking forward to some home time.

I'm looking forward to more God and less "church". I'm hoping that the evil part of me gets completely taken over by the Godly part of me. I will spend my time chasing after and long for God more. The more I chase Him, the more I love Him, the more I want more of Him, and less of me!

Proverbs 24:5 A wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength

I don't know if that made sense to anyone but me...


Stacy said...

It makes sense...and I'm glad you put words to what you've been feeling!

Lynette said...

I am thinking of you to my friend. When you want to please God it is always important to remember: "Never get so busy with the things of the Lord that you no longer have time for the Lord of the things." :)