All the fruit fell off my tree yesterday, I left it at Borden Park. Yikes. I did not like who I was for a minute there. But it was a great day until that happened! I was blessed that I could help at the concession stand, it was in the perfect spot that I could watch the games and serve food!
Sometimes I wish I felt more 'found'. I know who I belong to, I know that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I get that I don't deserve it. I just wish that I would have grown up feeling a little more special, so that now, I would feel special. A lot of times, I just don't feel like I matter. I'm not saying this because I want a ton of emails or comments saying that I am, I'm just being honest, this is about my journey and that's how I feel.
And I guess it all came to a head yesterday when there was something I REALLY wanted to do, and I honestly I hardly ever say "I really want to do that" and it just didn't work out. It was really anyone's fault, it just didn't happen. And then the argument and then I just thought "I could just give up" not that I would but I felt for a moment that I could. The world would just keep turning long after I'm gone. But I remembered that I'm here for a purpose, and that God has great plans for me, so I should stop feeling sorry for myself, and focus on God and not me. SO I've got to collect my 'fruit' and keep going.
So, I'm striving to be more like Jesus, a little more everyday.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”- Isaiah 41:10