Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Triggers


If you think that an addiction to the fridge is any better than an addiction to crack cocaine, I'm hear to tell you, you're wrong. I know it might not seem like it because it's not really all that socially acceptable to shoot up in a large group of friends. maybe it depends on who your friends are. Because I'll admit, I've overspent on the grocery bill because of something "I wanted" knowing full well I didn't need it or the money isn't in the budget. I've eaten out when I had food at home.

I struggle with my weight. I know what to eat, I actually do like to work out, even though I never have the time. I may lose 7 pounds to hit a plateau say I'm just gonna give my system a "little" shock and before you know it the crash cart rolls out like a dessert tray. I loathe myself for it. I hate the way I look, I look at pictures from the past and think "you're such an idiot! What is wrong with you?" Don't tell me I'm beautiful because I see what you see, and it's gross. The scripture says "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." (Song of Solomon 4:7). And that's right, God did create me with no flaw, however, the chains of addiction to emotional eating have taken it's toll on my body as well as my spirit. Learning to forgive myself. I'm even going to be honest and tell you that the way I feel has nothing to do with health, I want to look better! How about that??

It affects how I look at myself and it affects how I look at others because I wonder if they are judging me, especially those who knew me when I was thin.

Here's an example of some addictive behavior. I ate dinner. I had plenty. Last night about 9:30 while watching TV I wanted a bowl of cereal, and I'm not talking a normal small bowl, I mean a big bowl with a lot of milk. First I said to myself "it's cereal" and then I said to myself "you're not even HUNGRY" if you are that bored, go do something! So I did laundry. But I thought to myself "you've got to do the right thing" and TV is a huge trigger, not wanting to really admit this.... I DVR General Hospital everyday. So this morning, I made the decision to stop DVRing it and instead, I'll use that time to read, clean or walk or something other than vegging on the couch thinking of what my next meal or snack will be.

it may be a small start, it might seem totally insignificant to you, it may be the 100th time (this year ALONE!) I've started to break these chains of addiction but every journey starts with a small step (in the right direction).

Judges 18:6 The priest answered them, "Go in peace. Your journey has the LORD's approval."

4 comments:

Trish said...

And unlike drug and alcohol addiction...we need food to survive! So, we can't just give it up, cold turkey!!!
I understand your feelings...been there...many times! And our society is soo warped, that we here what great arms and fashion sense Michelle Obama has...rather than the type of First Lady (person) that she is!!!! What??? Praying for you Miss Margie...please pray for me!?

Trish said...

p.s. Uhm...that's hear ....not here!!!

KayMac said...

you hold me accountable!

Becky said...

i love you!