Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

There's a lot on my heart

I don't know what's going on, maybe its PMS, maybe it's satan, maybe, I'm self centered, surely, the Lord can handle all of this.

Here's a true story, the names have not been changed to protect the guilty.

It's been about 3 weeks since I opened my bible. I mean longer than 2 minutes to find someone a verse or look something up on Biblegateway.com. Yes, that's right, I'm being real. I am ashamed, but only when I keep it a secret can satan use it against me (however, my prayer life is still intact) I've read books, even done a book on being joyful, but never stuck my nose into my bible. Until today, I read for about 3 hours on and off. I heard the voice of God. Unfortunatly, the battle is already raging inside of me.

I feel...
lost,
forgotten,
invisible,
and
alone.

I feel like people don't see me, unless they want something from me. And I don't mind being used by God, but I don't want to be used up.

It's frustrating how just last weekend I felt that God was using me, that I was loved, and then not even a week later, I feel like this. And my instinct is to fight, but I don't always seem to fight the right thing.

I seek truth, wisdom, love, & joy. I seek Jesus.

I want to be single minded in times like these, well, really in all times.

Psalm 143:1 O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.

2 comments:

Louise said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Louise said...

Thank you for being honest and real Margie ... while on vacation I didn't open my Bible once ... oh I had planned to, but I let things get in the way. In my head I had planned this wonderful quiet time with God while we were gone ... didn't happen as I thought it would ... instead I spent time with people who, at times, planned my day for me ... and in the long run, that was okay. We had been invited to go .. they were paying the rent ... and hopefully I showed them Christ by being agreeable to their plans. I know what it is to feel used and alone and even tho you don't really know me, I hope you'll trust me when I say 'this too shall pass' ... we're human and we go thru human things and human emotions. I am a person who would love to live on a 'life's high' all the time .. but I don't. I am learning to relax and get through it, knowing that God, long before I was born, knew I'd walk through this and He would love me anyway.

Give yourself some space to rest in Him Margie. You are loved.