Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Friday, October 23, 2009

catching up...

It’s Friday and this Friday is no different from any other… I’m tired.

Tonight we’re going to watch a DVD at some friends… Its supposed to be funny but I hope I don’t fall asleep.

I haven’t slept well the last week or so… last night being the first night in a week I slept all the way through the night in my bed (meaning I didn’t sleep on the couch). I’ve got way too much on my mind… coupled with the fact that whenever I talk to someone about it (I’ve got just a few people I trust to talk about such things) everyone has a different opinion…. AHHHHHHHH!!! I need to have dinner with Sara!

When people ask me if I’m “ok”… I think… I wear my emotions on my sleeve, so you’ve got to know that I’m not. I’m doing my best (which really isn’t all that great) to keep it together. Christ is my glue, and seems to be speaking to me and I’m blown away by His word (yes, I’m still reading it in the mornings) but He’s not speaking to me about what I keep asking Him. Ugh! I hate when the answer doesn’t come when I want it. That means I’m still supposed to be still. Ugh! I hate being still.

I keep thinking about this one ministry opportunity… I’m standing on the edge… waiting to make mention of it… I want to and I think God wants me to… I’m just waiting…

Phyllis is selling Subi Beads again for Light Gives Heat, I love to see her excited about it. Oh, I know that everyone thinks their children can change the world… but I really think my can and does. If only in my world, she’s changed it, she brings light to my life that I never thought possible. I think about in how many ways she has made a difference, even in just selling necklaces or loving in Colombia, and in her school. I said to her this morning “you’re a World Changer” and I meant it. I can’t even tell you how awesome I think she is. She even brings light to the boring periodic table when studying for Chemistry.

I’m overwhelmed with thinking about the holidays coming up. I can’t believe it’s almost Halloween and Christmas will be here before we know it. I love the holidays, I love being off. I hate snow, but I love that the earth is at rest preparing for the spring.

And thinking about that, isn’t it amazing how God just orchestrated it all. How in His greatness, He knows that we need rest. He knows that no matter how glorious and beautiful things are, they need to rest. And thinking about just the earth, how He has designed us, that we are wonderfully made, that He knows everything about us. And in knowing all about us, He loves us in spite of ourselves.

So that’s a whole lot of rambling and I didn’t really even scratch the surface of what’s rolling around in the dark and scary place I call my mind.

And I'd like to know when the babies are coming! that's driving me crazy too!!

Thanks for tuning in… peace out.


Louise said...

Thanks for sharing with us Margie ... I have no idea just what you're dealing with, but I know that God does and I know that He will, in His time, give you the answers you seek. I'm reading "The Mystery of God's Will" by Chuck Swindoll and would recommend it to anyone who's searching for just that, God's will. It's not an easy book to like, but Rev. Swindoll tells us the truth, and we so need to hear it.

Bless you Dear One. Have a rest-filled night and sleep your bed!

Jada's Gigi said...

You sound like a roller coaster. :) I hate, I love...I hate I love...LOL Settle down Margie. :) Hope you slept last nite.

Matthew said...

When I read your post the first thing that came to mind is "you trust Him" ... storms come, and they beat on us, but we're not promised calm, we're promised a shelter ... I pray that He will guide you to the answers you seek ... I pray that he disturbs your sleep only to finally guide you your next step in your journey so you can rest in His arms ... we all grow, but we all have to go through some shedding in the process, in which the itching from our old skin can keep us up all night! ... keep trusting ... we got eternity to look forward to :)