I never really do anything on my own. Everything comes to me via God. He loves me, He extends His grace to me. However, sometimes I get caught up in the "I worked hard". Let's just be honest, there are those who have worked harder in this life and have less, and those who have done much less, with more. There is no way to figure out who gets what.
Why do people who are married and love the Lord wrestle with infertility, where people like me have children out of wedlock, or drug addicts or .... It's not fair. But sometimes that's the way it goes, makes no sense this side of heaven.
So today, I said "OK!". I didn't want to, I didn't want to ask for help, while causing myself to stumble, God wouldn't stop. Seriously, I felt like He was talking my ear off for like 8 HOURS and it was 2. Finally I just said "OK!" At this point, I have no idea what will happen. But I am sure like every other time I've been obedient, it will be a lesson in growing.
2 Cor 2:9 The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything