Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Friday, November 13, 2009


When I think of prideful, I think of someone who thinks themselves better than others… and I don't think of myself as prideful, but today it was pointed out in me (by me) that I have an issue with pride (and confirmed by someone else).

And we can just start with the whole I hate to ask for help. I do, seriously, I think I could be drowning and I wouldn’t ask for a life preserver until I was SURE I couldn’t save myself. And so it goes in my life.

I have often put myself in bad situations, being a single mom and really having to scrap (fight) my way to a better life than the one that I was choosing. I started out as a coorindater/secretary in my job, to program manager and currently in sales. Fighting and pushing and learning to be something better for me (not that those are bad professions, I just wanted more). I’ve fought for my daughter and her health, and EVERYONE knows that if in any way I feel like Phyllis is in danger of any kind, you might meet Jesus a little sooner than you expected.

I have 5 cakes for the shower tomorrow. And you know how hard it was just for me to ask someone to pick them up? I have no way to transport 5 cakes (1/2 sheet cakes) and finally I was like “what are you nuts? She volunteered, quit trying to rob her of the blessing of helping you just because you don’t want to ask for help” and so I did.

I have no issues helping people if I have the means (and sometimes when I don't), I actually love it… I don’t know why I think others aren’t the same way.

I have another thing that someone wants to help me with. And to be honest, I can’t figure out why. Maybe they just want to be kind, but I’m having such a hard time with it. Maybe I need not figure out why they want to but why I won’t let them.



Psalm 51:10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.


Pat said...

There could be many reasons behind why you don't want help, but when someone offers, I've learned that if I decline their offer, I rob them of their blessing. Lord knows...I don't want to be a robber on top of my other faults!! You just take baby steps toward changing what you recognize or feel needs changing. Small steps sweetie..they still get the journey finished!

Jada's Gigi said...

So hard learning nasty lessons about ourselves...but praise God you are still learning them...He is still working in your heart...I have recently realized just how selfish and self centered I am...its ugly I'm telling you! But I am so thankful that He is still at work deep in my inner man to conform me into the image of His dear Son.