I'm not content.
I was thinking today about the last month, maybe two months... it's been kind of crazy, I've been lonely, sad, angry, and hurt. Not all the time, but quite a bit. A lot of it I just wouldn't give it up. It was like I was holding on to it all with a clenched fist, I finally just said, enough. A lot of times I have heard people say in their sadness and their lonliness that God seems so far.
God seemed right next to me. Even when I was taking the scriptures off my cupboard doors.
Right next to me.
In my anger and hurt, He put His hand on my shoulder, and said peace. love. grace. Be obedient.
In my hurt and anger, I was. And it wasn't easy.
I read His Word (my bible), I listened to sermons.
I never let go, and neither did He.
I find myself in a wierd place. I am mostly sad because a person who I thought was my friend, really wasn't. She only speaks to me when she needs something. And that is sad, but unfortunatly, that's the way it goes sometimes.
But in all this, in the times when I feel most lonely, I just breathe Him in. He doesn't seem far away at all, He seems right next to me. Just near me, loving me. Whispering that I am His.
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep.”- John 10:14-15