Friday, February 05, 2010
its hard to ask for help
I don't know what happened yesterday, but the pilot light on my hot water heater blew out. I tried to light it, and I'll tell you the absolute truth, I was worried that I would blow up my house, but I tried, 4 times. I made a phone call for some guidance, but it still didn't work. I remember when I had to take a cold shower at the end of last year because the element thingie needed to be replaced (that really SUCKED!) and I was not looking forward to another one in the middle of winter with this sinus thing I got going on (made me thankful that I knew that no matter what this was a temporary situation).
So someone called me, someone who I would have thought would have said "I'll come over" especially since they were already out and they live within 5 minutes of my house. But they said "I can come over tomorrow to look at it" (now this is my perception and my side of the story), but instead Muscle Mike came over and it took him 5 minutes after a meeting he had.
Its hard for me to ask for help, I will admit it. I don't want to inconvenience anyone. But really, since I'm trying to get over this hurdle, the real issue is that I don't really think I matter to the person mentioned above, who is supposed to love me, but they couldn't be inconvenienced for 5 minutes, so why would anyone else? I often say that its not hard being a single mom, partly because its all I know, but partly because I don't want people to feel sorry for me. Because on days like yesterday when some guy, who totally means well, hits on me and in my head I'm like "really?" (don't judge me) and I come home to no hot water and I just don't know how to do that stuff, I think "what kind of mom are you that your daughter is going to have to take a cold shower in the morning?", or trying to figure out a ride for her when I'm at work or how I'm gonna pay for college or even though I know I can pay for Colombia (if Phyllis gets picked) I'm still worried about that need. I know that compared to some people's worries, that doesn't seem like much, but I got a list from here to China but we don't have time for all that.
I know I can't do everything, and I'm blessed because I have someone that I can ask (and what's crazy is that it's still not easy), and I'm thankful that God IS my provider, and that He love me, and He never stops working on me...
I love this scripture, it reminds me never to give up, and that includes, asking for help!
Romans 5:1-5 1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.