Everyday it’s a surrender. There are times when I think “I could just go back” meaning back to thr land of the dead. There are times when I think it would just be so much easier at each moment, but then I started hiding all the regrets. I think about that all the time, i can’t help just finding so much joy in that.
There are SOO many big things that God has done in my life, and you know what I sometimes get most excited about? $.50 bread or $1 peanut butter. Because God cares about the little things in our lives. And you can ask Katie how excited I get about the bread… its ridiculous and funny and great at the same time.
I think about what my life was when I was 19/20, I think about where I came from. I think about 15 years ago, I worked 4 jobs. That’s right, four jobs, none of them paying much, and all of them not adding up to me even making it on my own. And did I mention, I went to school (college) too. And I’ll tell you, sometimes it frustrates me when people don’t work for things and they just expect everyone else to take care of them. MAKES ME CRAZY! There are some things you’ll never earn, but there are quite a few times when I want to say EARN IT!
My heart seems to be exploding, last week that was not the case. I struggled through last week. Sometimes I had to ‘fake it til I make it’ and sometimes I just broke down in tears, all the while I was seeking God (and that’s the thing about faking it til you make it, all the while when you’re smiling, your bible should be open, you should be praying like crazy, listening to worship music, I think that we, as Christians, forget to mention that to new believers). Sometimes saying “I know Your goodness, but I’m struggling and I just need to hide under Your wings”.
Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
And that’s the coolest thing about knowing God’s Word, you can use it when you’re struggling. Its truth. And when you’re thirsty, it quenches like nothing else. And by no means would I say I’m a biblical scholar, I just know what I know, and I keep learning, and He keeps revealing!
Even though I follow Jesus, my life is not easy, but its mostly difficult when my focus is on me and not on Him. Its amazing to me that He loves me, that He allows me to love Him, and allows me to love others.
Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon Grace upon grace…
John 1:16 ESV And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.
Eph 6:24 May God’s grace be eternally upon all who love our Lord Jesus Christ
Comments