Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

What IS the deal?

I don't know what the deal is, though I am quite sure that God has something going on with me.

I feel at home NO WHERE. Not at church, not out, not with family(with the exception of Phyllis, she always feels like home). 

I was walking out of weight watchers alone and thinking this is not what I signed up for.  But I am on the road to weightloss and so whether I walk by myself or with others doesn't matter, it just means that I walk and I continue, its not the first thing I did by myself and it won't be the last.

I was struggling last week about phyllis and college.  Oh boy.  The schools she wants to go to are $21-26K a year. I was talking to someone, kind of venting and they said "now that you've vented do you feel better?" and I was like "really, who else do i have to talk to about this stuff, I have no one".  What an alarming fact that was.  But that's how I feel. I feel like I made these choices and I trudge on alone.  So that's what I do.  Again, its not the first thing I've done alone and it won't be the last.

I feel like the place that should be most like my family, isn't. Its the place where I spend the most time, try and give the most love, and to be honest, a lot of times it feels like it comes back void.  I feel like I walk around alone, I may have a few people that listen, but I keep saying "i feel so alone" and all they do is listen, I don't feel like any of them make an effort to change the fact that I just don't feel loved, that I feel left out.  And so like I said before, its not the first thing I've done feeling alone, and it won't be the last.

Josh 1:9 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

The good thing about when you don't feel like you have anyone, and you have a relationship with Jesus, He's a good one to turn to.  His Spirit is comforting, His Word is true, and you're never really alone.

Matthew 28:20 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

More than anything – Hillsong United

You knew us from the start
Our every moment
Though we fell apart
You chose to love us
Never letting go
You sent Your Son for us

He came into the world
With one desire
To lead us from our sin
Remove our failures
So we could meet with You
You know ourselves as Yours

In a world that tries to
Find a way in itself
Searching high and low
Looking for a meaning
We will hold to what we
Know is truth know is love
Life is found when we give
Ourselves all to You, Lord

Give it all give it all
To the One who's Life
Give it all give it all
To the One who's Life
Give it all give it all
To the One whose life
Saved mine

Our future in Your hands
Our lives with purpose
Sins now erased
Our past behind us
Never looking back
We know ourselves as Yours

This we know we have a new life
We are Yours now and forever
In this life all that we seek
To be with You more than anything

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