Ok you know its crazy when you can do a week in review on Wednesday morning!! But it also means that God is moving!
Monday I seriously had some kind of anxiety, I was sweating, and crying, and stressed. I thought at one point ‘this must be what a panic attack feels like”. So I got in the car (probably not the best choice) and prayed. Not one of those ‘dear Lord, all great sounding prayers” but one of pure anguish at one point yelling out ‘I just don’t want to forgive’. After it was all done, I thought to myself that God was just waiting for me to say that. He knew.
Then yesterday… oh boy, hurt feelings. It’s hard to be like Jesus when you’ve got hurt feelings.
So I’m kind of a weird pray-er. Maybe not, but I don’t really do the whole get in a quiet place, unless you mean my car. I’m not usually still. But as I was praying, God said: Micah 6:8.
Here it comes. Its also on my key chain, I should check it out more I guess, that’s why I got it.
And so I started breaking it down. I started thinking about the lessons I’ve been learning in the last few months – Favot telling me I was prideful, Mike telling me that it must be hard to serve me, forgiving (or not – depending on the episode), grace, surrender. Letting someone pay for my movie ticket (really for me that was hard!). Dirty blenders, markers (which wasn't about dirty blenders or markers). While I am a ‘justice’ person – risk/consequence. I know that sometimes there is a back story, and grace is always required. I know I love, but do I love mercy? Hmmm… and I certainly am not humble especially when I think about how many times I say ‘I’.
8 He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
I wish that I would have had a concordance with me (though since I was driving and I am not patient, that could have been disasterous trying to drive and read at the same time – worse than texting!) , so I looked up the three words: Justly, Mercy, Humbly. Sometimes we think that we know the definition of words but we don’t always or we don’t know their original meaning so I am going to look them all up. I know that I have a lot to work on, but I also know that everyday I want to be a little bit closer to walking like Jesus.
I know that God has a lot to teach me in this verse, I know that I have a long way to go.
I asked the other day that God continue to work in me, and through me And so it might be painful, like trying to dig dirt during a drought, but He can, because He is.
2 Chr 20:17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "