I am scared, I do a lot of things for others, afraid.
This last year has been a lot of obedience. Sometimes, I was a day late, but I did it. Scared.
There is a lot that needs to be forgiven. I need to forgive myself. I laugh when I tell the kids something about me and they get these big eyes, like they are so shocked, they don’t see past my ‘mom’ exterior. Ha! The thing is that I know that God forgives me so why I can’t forgive myself. This will be part of the growing process.
And how about the fact that since I struggle with the whole forgiving myself, I don’t believe that I deserve to be happy. Ok, I said it. And let’s just visit for a minute that I’ve made some of the dumbest decisions when I was thin. Oh boy, I got a lot to work with… Good thing God is a big God because He might have to roll up His sleeves on this one.
And… taking all this time for myself? Will be think I'm selfish? It means less serving, asking for help, and doing less for others. Oh boy, you’d think that wouldn’t be hard, but it is. I’ve taken care of someone most of my life.
So why do it?
Because I want to be happy, I want to forgive myself, I want to be obedient.
And most importantly, because
God deserves the Glory.
John 8:54 Jesus replied, "If I glorify myself, my glory means nothing. My Father, whom you claim as your God, is the one who glorifies me.