I haven't been feeling well, a lot of things are just a mess, while I don't make a big deal of it, it makes me a mess, I felt like I was on the mend until I threw out my back on Friday. I think people knew that I wasn't doing well, but I don't know if anyone really cared. But by that time, I've hurt feelings, and hurt people, and my inside is a mess. By then the tornado has already come threw and left a mess of things that just can't be fixed.
I just can't say I'm sorry enough. I could make all the excuses in the world, but they don't matter. All that matters is that I caused hurt. I hate that about me.
I don't tend to focus on the positives, I wish I did. I've always just waited for the ax to fall, so I watch for it. I just wait for someone to walk away, I wait for ________. I hate that about me.
Phil 4:8-9 (msg)
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
I often like to look things up, to look up different versions of a scripture, definitions, different meanings of words (how cool is a concordance! - yes, I know nerd!) I love to learn. Sunday I went to visit my old church, First Baptist, the Pastor there is an incredible teacher, he breathed God about Phil 4:2-8. I've known 4:6 and 4:8 but never really the whole story, and I was just like wow! I suck, but thank You God for Your Word and its continuous blessings and lessons it brings.
So yesterday, I just walked around saying Phil 4:8, I not only need to see the good in all things, I WANT to. I don't want to wait for the ax to fall, I want to see the good in things, its not going to be a quick change, but I know that everyday that I chose to see what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, praiseworthy, and excellent is a day I'll see those things.
Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
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