Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Sorry for the rambling, but God was working in my heart....

Ever have to throw up?

Ever try to keep it in?

Sometimes it’s a relief to throw up even though you don’t want to.

Usually we throw up because we eat something we shouldn’t or we contract some kind of a virus. Throwing up is your body’s way of getting rid of something that shouldn’t be there.

I have a tendancy to word vomit. I let things in my life that I shouldn’t. Sometimes its sin, sometimes its people, sometimes its things that I should just ‘let go and let God’. I remember this crazy lesson I learned about Noah’s ark, that God told Noah EXACTLY how to build the Ark, He left nothing to chance. How great would my life be if I just really let God rule it instead of me, or my emotions.

If in all things I saw things that God sees, the way HE sees it. What am I afraid of?

I guess I say this because the last month I have really struggled with hurt. And I was thinking last night after witnessing hurt, I kept thinking ‘she didn’t mean to hurt you” and the thing is that if I would look at people’s intentions instead of their actual actions, maybe I wouldn’t be so hurt. In another situation I was thinking about that I caused hurt because I was hurt (hurting people hurt people) if I just would have looked at someone’s intentions instead of their actions (and I would have talked to them when I was a little hurt instead of a LOT hurt) maybe more hurt could have been avoided.

One day I vomited, not real vomit but word vomit. And although the person I vomited about, didn’t see me, I still did. Why couldn’t I just see the hurt instead of the actions? Part of me just feels like I should just let me unload on me, whatever hurt I caused and then just take it, take that hurt and learn a lesson from it, because I do cause hurt, intentionally or unintentionally, and I hate that.

I knew God most of my life, however, I didn’t follow Him or live my life for Him, and it says in the 2 Cor 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! I think of how I was before I knew Christ, and sometimes I have to ‘unlearn’ some of those behaviors, I didn’t want to say ‘learn’ new behaviors, because I have learned them, but sometimes I have to unlearn the bad habits, I need to let the strength of Christ overcome those things in my life. It’s a daily process. It’s an every day decision (sometimes every minute) to “Chose You over me” to say “I’m hurt right now, but I chose not to focus on me, but to focus on You, Lord” to still deal with the things that hurt, but to forgive, to think about how much Jesus took for my sin, that the hurt that I feel is nothing compared to the pain that He took, for something that He didn’t do, and I do cause pain.

Thinking about a lot of scripture that just runs through my head like a spring of life…

Micah 6:8
He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

What does that mean? I’m not always sure, but I will strive to achieve it. To act justly, to do what is right, to love mercy, to give it freely, and to walk humbly with my God, to know that He is, to know that He is everything, and I am but a servant that He came after to give me freedom. Where else can you find such love? Only in Jesus.

Lord, Help me to be unafraid to live in Your goodness, to be unafraid of letting You control my life, my heart, and my mind. Help me to only see You and what You would have me to do/go. Lord, everyday I not only want the world to see that I love You, I want to know that my heart belongs to You, so then the world WILL KNOW that I am imperfect but You, Lord, are perfect, in all things, in provision, in forgiveness, in grace, in love, in hope. Your love knows no boundaries. Lord, help me everyday to be more like You, and less like me.
1 John 4:17-19In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
19We love because he first loved us.

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