I’ve been struggling lately, if you’ve read my blog, you know that my head is just above the water. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. There isn’t something that someone can do. I feel like I am constantly under attack, that really mean voice in my head won’t be silenced. Turning to the bible, I’ve read stuff and said “my head knows that but that knowledge needs to travel to my heart” and then I start to wonder “are you really saved?” oh, and lets not even go there, even though I do know that I am. I’ve literally felt my fruit of the spirit fall off my tree and then I’ve wanted to chuck it at people. Nice. I know.
Where does it all stem from? I don’t like me.
I can pick out every fault in me. And it seems that every day I’m struggling to find anything good about me.
And so the last few days I’ve just come clean about everything I’ve felt to God. I’ve said things like “I hate this about me, why did You do that?” and a whole lot of other things, things that God knew I was feeling, and I just let it all go. I was honest with both of us. Doing my bible study about a Daughter’s Worth, as I was writing, I turned all the things I hated into praise, it was a start. I changed my outlook. To see myself through God’s eyes would be fabulous.
About 2 months ago I bought the book ‘Capitivating’ on CD, I’ve already read it, but for ‘some reason’ I bought it on CD, probably because it was on sale. I was listening to it this morning, and I was blown away by the way God spoke to me this morning in just 20 minutes. WOW! All the feelings I have been having, just confirmation that I am going to be ok, and that I am wonderfully and fearfully made.
Next I think I am going to go and get ‘so long insecurities’ on CD by Beth Moore
Psalm 45:11 11 The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.