Awhile ago, I was dating this great guy. You know the kind you think could be ‘the one’. If you go by the list that you make when you’re a girl, he fit it pretty close to the things “I” wanted. Things were going well, I mean the fact that he thought I was so great totally made me uncomfortable. Totally, but who am I to judge. LOL.
And then one day, during worship, God said to me “I want you to love only Me”.
And at first I thought, God couldn’t have said that to me. I mean He brought me this guy, right? I mean to the point that I remembered what this guy was wearing the first day I met him, at church which was quite awhile ago.
And what’s funny is sometimes God speaks to me so crazy that people wouldn’t believe it. “Yes, Margie, that was Me, and that’s what I said, right now I want you to love only Me”.
Ugh. (I mean it's a good thing, God wants you to love Him, but how do you tell someone that?)
That was hard, and I truly didn’t think anyone would understand. How do you explain that? I didn’t explain it to anyone, for the most part, I just said things that I thought people would understand, “I’m just too busy” which people just replied many things that I don't think they meant to be hurtful but they were like "you just don't want to (or you're afraid to) be happy" .
And looking back, I think, you never asked God if it was ok if He thought you were ready, so now, you’re getting your answer. Only Him.
That’s not an easy thing for someone to hear once they’ve met someone great. Especially after being alone (and lonely) for so long.
I have no regrets about the whole thing. I learned in a short time, how you should be treated, and what it means (at a shallow level) to be a Proverbs 31 woman, and I never really thought of myself that way, and not sure how I fit that mold at this time, but all in all it was a great experience.
I think about where I am now, in this journey, and I don’t really think I would be here. I know that God is dealing with a lot of my internal bleeding right now. It’s a crazy place that I am right now, I feel so… great! Even though yesterday was hard, and there have been some hard moments, it has been amazing to love only God right now. And to find my worth in Him. That being said, I don’t know when or who God has planned for my life, I know He has someone great on this earth, a perfect match, so that when I am ready, and God has done what He needs to do in the guy’s life, it will be better than I imagined (not perfect but great).
I’ve wanted to write this post in some way or another for quite some time but was never brave enough. I also didn’t want to hurt the person who I dated, that is never my intention but that’s the truth.
God only wanted me to love Him.
2 Cor 11:1-3 1I hope you will put up with a little of my foolishness; but you are already doing that. 2I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. 3But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ