I had to make a really tough decision. I've actually known the answer for weeks, but I kept saying 'no, I'll keep on'. And then... one more thing that frustrated me. It wasn't the actual act it was that I'm so tired of being tired. It was not having enough in me to say 'its not that they don't love you, they just forgot'.
A really good friend said to me something like 'God doesn't call you away from something unless He calls you to something' (see I really do listen) however this time when He called me away from something, He didn't call me to something He called me to Him.
I often wondered is that God or something else? But each time, I'd open the Word, in different places, and get the answer. It was crazy, crazy good. So for the past couple days I've been wondering if I made the right decision (I'm always second guessing) and then I started a new bible study (one that I found while cleaning out a drawer) and one particular section was about rest (how about that) and it used Phil 2:25-30 (msg).
25-27But for right now, I'm dispatching Epaphroditus, my good friend and companion in my work. You sent him to help me out; now I'm sending him to help you out. He has been wanting in the worst way to get back with you. Especially since recovering from the illness you heard about, he's been wanting to get back and reassure you that he is just fine. He nearly died, as you know, but God had mercy on him. And not only on him—he had mercy on me, too. His death would have been one huge grief piled on top of all the others.
28-30So you can see why I'm so delighted to send him on to you. When you see him again, hale and hearty, how you'll rejoice and how relieved I'll be. Give him a grand welcome, a joyful embrace! People like him deserve the best you can give. Remember the ministry to me that you started but weren't able to complete? Well, in the process of finishing up that work, he put his life on the line and nearly died doing it.
I didn't almost die physically doing what I was doing, but inside, it was stealing my joy, I was frustrated and hurt, and its time to rest, its time for me to let God truly move in my heart, its time for me to rest and Him to work. I don't know if that makes any sense, and it was so hard to take the step of faith because a lot of my friends are part of all of this, though I don't know how good of a friend I've been lately.
It was a difficult decision, but one I'm not sorry I made, just wish that I would have just stepped out sooner. I have no idea where this is going to lead me, but I'm excited to find out!
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
Matthew 11:28-30 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."