If you know me, you absolutely know that I love Eminem. Not like ‘that’s my boy’ I love him kind of thing. I really love him. I pray for his salvation, I pray for his heart, I pray for his freedom, and to be perfectly honest, I LOVE LOVE LOVE his music. I can relate to his lyrics, and for the past few hours I’ve listened to ‘I’m not afraid’ over and over again.
I can’t even put into words all the feelings I have rambling around right now. Even though I know people didn’t mean to hurt me, they did. And that’s hard.
My baby is sick, chronically, do I know that God can heal her? Of course I do, but that doesn’t make me less… angry. There I said it.
I’m not afraid of what tomorrow or the day after that will bring, I know it will be alright. I just want some normalcy in my life, whatever that is. It’s a funny thing though, I don’t have something to keep me busy, almost like God said to me, we will deal with what we have to deal with, without distraction. Maybe you don’t realize how hard that is, but it’s hard. Sometimes you need something to focus on so that you’re not consumed by the yuckiness of it all. A lot of times for me it was work, or youth group, or working out, but that doesn’t make it go away, it keeps you from dealing with the feelings that you need to deal with.
Music is a great thing for me, it gives me the words when I don’t have them. And today its Eminem. I wish that I could tell you that I don’t love his music but I really do!
Part of my problem is that I am a ‘scraper’ I wish I wasn’t but I am. When the going gets tough, the tough scrap. Sometimes, like this instance, there isn’t anything to scrap. I can’t fight things like this, so my insides are kind of a mess. So I guess I’ll just apologize in advance that my blog may be a place where I vent or work it out of whatever… and like today, I may be all over the board.
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble