I was driving to work today, praying, and popped in the Alive Band CD ‘Come Home’, well, it was already in there, I just turned it on, ‘I won’t be the same’ came on, I was thinking about how different I am now but somehow still the same. Is that weird? There are things in my life that I can’t seem to let go of, making me the same, and there are things that are so different.
I was in Brazil for really 3 days if you don’t count travel. A guy at work thinks its funny to tease me about how many guys I slept with from Brazil (his number is 5). Just in case you are wondering… the answer is zero. I can tell you that there was a time in my life I might have considered it. I might have met someone, had a few drinks and who knows where it would have lead to. Now, 5 guys in 3 days is quite excessive. That kind of stuff just doesn’t really cross my mind these days, You see my life if different, my heart is different. ‘Though I’m broken, still I’m whole’. Everyday God just works and works in me if I allow Him.
Yesterday I was at the gym, I kind of didn’t want to go, but remembered who I was before and who I want to be, and I know that its part of the journey to take those steps on a treadmill, elliptical, or Zumba. Yesterday it was 45 minutes on the elliptical, and I conquered 5 miles in 44 minutes (that’s 8.8 per mile – not too shabby), and I was thinking about what I could have been doing instead, how I could have been loving (sending notes, making punkin waffles, or I’m not sure), that’s how my mind works, what can I do? I’m a multi-tasker, what else can I do? It’s a scary thing, you can miss a lot, but that’s a whole ‘nother post. Anyway, God simply said ‘you need to do this for you, you need to remember that in order to love others, you need to love yourself, you need to do things for you’ that’s sometimes a foreign concept for me. I like (really) taking care of others. I do love to go to the gym, I love the way I feel after, I love the feeling of accomplishment that it brings when you work harder, accomplish a new goal that was set, beat your last goal, but really, I love that I have taken a step towards being more like who I am supposed to be, the woman that God intended.
‘Everyday you are not in the gym, your competition is’. Who is my competition? I’m really not sure, maybe it’s the fat girl and the skinny girl competing against each other, maybe its satan competing for my heart, to keep me from being who I need to be. I’m not really sure. But I know that everyday I am not working on me with God, whether its in His Word, praying, or at the gym (or outside running) I am not being who I am intended to be. Someone who loves, herself and others.
Thank You Jesus for changing my heart. Thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for bringing me hope of greater things to come.
Bridge to ‘I won’t be the same’ ~Alive Band
Its You alone who brings life and hope
You alone can make us whole
Phil 1:20 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.