Yesterday I went to Cranbrook, took me almost twice as long to drive there and back than I was actually there. I parked, and realized I was hungry, there is nothing in the middle of cranbrook, but I had a small bag of cheezits and a bottle of water and off I went. As I walked I realized how beautiful everything was, as I got closer to the water, the smell overwhelmed me. I walked on the paths and heard the leaves crunch under my feet. I don’t think my mind shut down long enough for God to get a word in edge wise however it did feel good to get all my feelings out.
There were a couple times I just stopped and whatever was going through my head, there was sadness, anger, just a lot of stuff, I prayed through it, I prayed for those who I just can’t believe aren’t there for me. Who haven’t sent a ‘anything I can do for you?’ I expected something from one friend, and nothing… I guess its true that in times of hurt and hardship, you really do learn who your friends are. You realize that if someone has no reason to use you, you aren’t their friend. Its horrible and hurtful, but I guess its better to know.
And then today I ran 8.8 that’s right, almost 9 miles without stopping. That seems crazy to me, but simply amazing and I will openly admit I don’t remember most of it. I did a lot of praying. Thanking God for the vision of Phyllis walking on red dirt in Africa. It was such a great day, it was beautiful and with the exception of the terrible lunch at American Coney Island… perfect. I even laughed when the tranny from Janet’s closet made fun of me simply saying to him ‘you can make fun of me all you want’ little did he know I prayed for freedom for him.
My heart is kind of achy but I’m gonna praise Him through it all. My faith is not defined by my circumstances. I may not like what’s going on but He’s a mighty God, and He’s got it all under control, and I will just rest in that.
Psalm 30:12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.