Those crazy questions that Chilly puts out there. And then after answering the questions, I started thinking about why I don’t believe that my dreams will be fulfilled. Because I know those dreams are from Jesus. And so I started thinking about it, praying about it, listening to my heart (and what I am afraid of) and listening to the Heart of God.
I have all these crazy dreams, opening my own bakery, adopting older children, becoming a speaker, marrying someone completely awesome, and the crazy thing is that I really do believe that God has put these things on my heart. Those aren’t necessarily things that I believe I could do, certainly not on my own. I’d have to really step out in faith for each one of those things.
Opening a bakery. It would mean that I would have to be like those sister on DC Cupcake who quit their corporate jobs to make the best cupcakes. Need I remind you that I don’t have another income in my household to fall back on? Yikes. God is a God of provision. He is. So what is it that makes me think that He won’t meet my needs? Here’s some truth from the depth of my heart, what if He changes His mind? Ok, I know that won’t happen. But what if He decides that I’m gonna be one of those people who has to praise Him anyway. The bakery didn’t work out, I lose my house, and I have to praise Him anyway. I’d like to think I could do that. I’ve praised Him in corn and mac&cheese, I’ve praised Him in sickness and in health, but what if I mess it up? What if I stop relying on Him? Really, I struggle, I’m a jerk, but really I’ve got to stop looking at the stuff I’m not and look at the stuff He is.
Adopting Older Children. I would so love to do this. And I think its only God who has given me a heart to not only love teenagers, but to really like them. I like that they have problems and they are so resilient that they never give up. So what stops me? Oh this list is long. Who would want me for a mom? I mean, I know my own daughter would, but I work too much, I’m self absorbed, I can tend to be strict, I lose my temper, I feel like sometimes we have to pass up on stuff because I didn’t manage my money perfectly or don’t make enough… And remember, there is one person missing from our household, a dad. There is a Father in our household, and we choose to serve Him, but what will the outside world think? Will they say “you don’t meet our criteria” and let’s not forget that it costs a lot of money to adopt a child in need. But I know that if I step out, God will take care of all that stuff, because He sees the things I am not, and He is all.
Becoming a speaker. Ever since I was saved, God has told me that I would be a speaker. I love speaking, and I especially love talking about the things that God has done in my life. I have loved speaking ever since I can remember. But sometimes I think I screw up so much in my life, I lose my temper, I don’t follow through, I’m scared, I’m not super knowledgeable about the bible, I don’t know all the stories, or the Greek/Hebrew meaning of words, who would want to listen to me speak? But I know what God told me. I know how He is speaking to me, I know I am learning more about Him everyday, I know that He is not only penetrating my heart, He is CHANGING it to be more like Him.
Marrying someone completely awesome. Now, I look at myself. And just on the surface, I think who would want to marry me, just on looks alone, I’m average at best. And then… my faults… oh, I won’t even BEGIN to list them all, we just don’t have that much time. Me to write them, you to read them (besides, I bet you could run your own tally of my faults), but I have to remember, God created me, in His image. His grace, love, and beauty covers me like a cloak.
All this stuff, listing it out, you’d think that it would make me think of all the things I’m not. It doesn’t, it makes me think of all the things I am, in Him.
He’s alpha AND omega. He is all
He not only speaks life, He breathes it
He is beautiful
And He loves me.
2 Cor 12:9-10 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.