I made a decision, though it wasn't really my decision. God needed to do some great things in my life and so, out of obedience, I am no longer a full Alive leader, all I am is a Life Group leader. I take this roll very seriously. I know it sounds weird, but I do.
The girls and I did some math, and there will be 6 weeks in a row that I have spent the weekend (some part of it) with my girls Rosie and Melissa. Its not that I like them best, it just works out that way. I don't ever barely remembering spending relaxed time with them before, my time was so crunched that I wasn't really enjoy life, in all things, and I think I had so much pain that I was always hurt and I'm starting to think that I chose not to feel on some levels or not completely feel. I'm not really sure if that makes sense to anyone else.
I also have discovered that I really do like who I am. How sad is it that it took me almost 38 years to do that. All those years of thinking I would never measure up, that I would never be who 'they' wanted to be, that the wrong daughter died, that the saying 'Sugar and spice and everything nice', I was a little too spicey and not enough sugar, but realizing that I am who I am supposed to be.
I never was a school teacher, yet I spend time, teach beautiful girls. I work in crazy automotive and car parts don't seem that interesting (though sometimes we have great days) I have some great friends, we do great things (like BAKEOFFs), I live in a little house that has provided warmth (physical and emotional) for people.
I may not be the person that someone dreamed I'd be. I may be picked over because someone would rather spend time with someone else. That is ok with me, that is your choice. I've got some great things happening in my life, and if people chose not to be a part of it, that is their choice to close that door, mine will always be open, waiting for them to realize that I am who I am supposed to be. I cannot be measured by someone else's ruler.
Today, like most Sundays is my day to hang out with Phyllis. Typically on Sundays I wake up, go to the gym, then usually we go to church, then lunch, then do some kind of shopping, hang out, have dinner at some point, and just chill at home. It really is my favorite day of the week. I love my girl.
My life may not be exciting, but its my life, and I love living it!