Then last night I was driving, and I was thinking about Kevin. And how angry I was for him making such poor choices (like picking someone else) and I was just so angry! I thought, 'you were my best friend, we spent so much time together, I trusted you and you turned out to be a jerk'. As I was driving to my dad's Christmas party I started to cry because I really thought 'I hate being alone'.
I think some of it had to do with how overwhelmed I was about having to find a new car, and while I realize I am not alone in doing it, the end decision falls on me. What if I screw it up? Oh brother, and then I started listing all the things I've messed up. Do you even realize how long that list is?
I went to my dad's party thinking about what I would say, I wonder what they think that I'm still single, I wonder if they are disappointed in the way I've grown up. Ugh.
And then at some moment 'Oh brother met Grace'.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Cor 12:9)
I remembered that God made me for such a time as this. He made me the way I am, it doesn't matter really what they think, maybe in some small way, I inspire them, maybe they are proud of who I've become because a lot of them have had such a hand in it.
Its a good moment when 'oh brother meets grace' reminds me that I'm loved and beautiful. And I mean it.