Sometimes I have to just get out of the way…
The other day I was thinking about how I should start putting money away in case I don’t hit my goal of $100/mile. That way, I can put the money in to make up any difference I don’t get in fundraising.
Then God and I had a moment.
‘Really Margie, you think that I brought you to this, and I can’t deliver? I own ALL the cattle on the hill, and you’re worried that I won’t provide?’
Oh boy. I’m an idiot. When oh when will I learn to really trust God? That whole faith as small as a mustard thing again. Maybe it’s an average. I sometimes feel like I have all this faith, and then sometimes I feel like I’m that guy who Jesus says ‘you of little faith’.
Trust. Let God do what He does. You just prepare like you’re supposed to, Margie. (Yes, sometimes I talk to myself in 3rd person).
Last night I got a call to do a video thing. Obstacles.
How about the first obstacle is that I need to get out of my own way!
I remember a lot of things from MBL. One very important moment was one time when we were doing the bleachers (yuck!) and they are hard and at the end of every up and down of a bleacher we had to do some sort of core exercise, jumping, pushups, squats, etc. I remember one time I was listening to my mp3 player, I got called out on it (we weren’t supposed do, but 4 or 5 others were so I figured they were getting a little lacks in the rules – and I was the ONLY one who got called out) and Joel was just on me the whole time, and at that moment, satan got in my head and kept saying ‘see, he doesn’t think you can do it – just like everyone else’. Oh boy, that was a hard day, and then Joel comes right up next to me and he’s walking with me, all in my going up the bleachers, and the demon I am fighting is harder than any step, sit up, run, squat, that could have been put in front of me. The more I fought, the more it fought. It was horrible, and before I knew it, I was crying, and I finally just yelled at Joel (poor guy) something like ‘I know you think I’m not good enough’. Poor guy, he was probably like ‘where the hell did that come from?’ but we sat and ended up talking it out. ‘Who are you doing this for?’ God.
I had to get over that obstacle of not being good enough. It was a hard obstacle to get over, and actually took me months after that, a lot of pray, some intercessory, and God Himself during Theofastic to say ‘you cannot be measured by someone else’s ruler’. It was a hard thing.
Even now, I know God called me to do this marathon, I KNOW He did. I KNOW I can do it, but when people tell you that you can’t or they look at you like you’re nuts, its hard to remember that you can’t be measured by someone else’s ruler.
Sometimes you just have to know that there will be obstacles, that you need to get over and through them, because if you try to go around them, you will eventually be at the same place, more tired than before needing to get through it.
Romans 8:28 says And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. His word doesn’t lie. He works for our good, all the time, even when it doesn’t seem like it, and in the craziest of places using people we never would have suspected that he’d use. Amazing. Grace.
And in everything…
In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39