There are somedays that I just don't feel like I matter. I text my friends to hang out or tell them that I miss them... nothing. I make an effort because I believe in doing things that are worthy of my time. And I believe that my friends are worthy of my time. I love them and am so thankful for them.
Time is precious to me. Its because things that are rare are precious. But sometimes I'll be truthful some of my friends make me feel like I don't matter. I left and thought 'it's going to be hard not seeing everyone every week for a hug or a smile or an I love you' to give and receive, it wasn't just the students, it was the awesome staff that I served with. I sometimes barely felt like I mattered then. I felt like I was defined by the things I did not who I was. Until God opened my eyes and my heart, 'you do those things because of who you are'. Maybe some only thought I was 'awesome' because of what I did, I don't think they really ever saw the 'who I was' part.
I cannot be measured by someone else's ruler. Here's the thing. I was wonderfully made. It doesn't matter that I don't get a response to my text or a phone call. I matter. Who I am matters.
I do not have an 'official' ministry these days. I've been on the Evangelism Board, Youth Leader/Staff, VBS Co-director, First Five Co-leader I've always had an 'official ministry'... my ministry these days... to love where I am at. When God sets an opportunity before me, love. Seems crazy sometimes. Shoes, tea, meals, snow, jam, hugs, prayer, just love, whatever comes up, however that looks.
I say all this not because I want you to say to me 'you do matter' I say all this to say that you matter to me. If you're feeling lonely, if you feel like people only love you because of what you do (and there are people out there), I want you to know that you do matter! You matter to me, and you matter to God, and if I've done a poor job of showing that to you, I am very sorry, I'd love to sit and have coffee with you, and hear what's going on in your life and share a little of mine.
I love you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life