Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Monday, May 16, 2011

My training....

This is how a lot of conversations go when someone sees me…

“hi, how are you?”

We exchange a few things… and then “how’s your marathon training going?”

And then a whole bunch of self loathing and scariness goes on in my head.

I like to be honest…

So here’s me being honest.

I don’t want to do the marathon.

I don’t think I’ll be ready, truly, because I don’t have time to train correctly.

I want to run the half, and I want to run the half, well. I want to run the whole half instead of walking, running, crawling the whole marathon. How you like them apples?

But then I feel like a jerk, because I told people I’d do the whole thing, and I like to be a woman of my word, I feel like a failure (and I haven’t even failed yet!).

I like to do things well, I like to do them with excellence, because, after all, excellence is honoring to God. Half-butting it in anything, is not.

So, I don’t know what to do. I’m praying about it, and even though there may be looks of disappointment and people saying ‘I knew she couldn’t or wouldn’t ‘ it might just have to be ok.

I’m putting this at the feet of Jesus and letting Him guide me instead of the stupid voices in my head.

And it’s not that I think that I can’t, because I can. Just not sure it’s the right time.

“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”” - Zephaniah 3:17

1 comment:

Stacy said...

Running a marathon is no easy feat...if it was, anyone could do it, at any time. But that's not the case. I know you're doing it for a great reason, but you could cause harm to yourself if you haven't trained properly. It might have to be a goal for a future date. Trust me, running the half isn't easy either, but it may be more attainable at THIS TIME in life. That doesn't mean you failed, it just means you created a new goal and rescheduled the other. If you're performing for an audience of One, and you've let Him in on the change, then all is well in the world!! Hugs!