Sometimes in situations we play a victim. Please note I didn't say that we were the victim, I said we play the victim. I think of the lyrics:
What about me
It isn't fair
I've had enough now I wasnt my share
Can't you see
I wanna live
But you just take more then you give
And then I remember, it isn't about me. Or is it?
Recently I came under some opposition. And I felt hurt and betrayed. And I've thinking about a lot of things.
First being forgiveness. There is a part in the book, Compelled by Love, where a pastor is beaten up to the point of being revived from death. Everyone wants to go get the peeps who did such a horrible thing to him. He says 'forgive them'. The pastor's posse is like 'no way', he doesn't waiver. He WALKS out of the hospital the next day, not a scratch on him. the only proof it happened, his torn clothing. Don't you want that in every situation? Something happens to you, immediately you say 'forgive them' and you walk away from the situation without a scratch on you! I don't know about you, but I WANT THAT! Let forgiveness be my first and only reaction to hurt! I am working on this. I don't want to think about hurt, I want to focus on love, and I don't think there can be love, if there is no forgiveness.
I've also been thinking about my not-so-perfect role in the situation. What did I do to make someone feel like they needed to oppose me? I mean, no one's perfect. But did I lead in love? Pastor Chilly said today 'if you have Christ in your heart, you're a leader'. That's good. So how was I leading? Like Napoleon or like Jesus? I've got to forgive myself, and lead in love. There isn't much I can do about the past, apologize and move on. Some may think that's weak or giving in, but I think there is great strength in knowing who you are, and saying 'I'm not perfect, please forgive me'. And not only who you are, but to whom you belong to. I know who I belong to. I think of the Beatitude:
Matthew 5:5 (NIV) Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth
Some might say that meek could be weak, according to Merriam-Webster:
1 : enduring injury with patience and without resentment : mild
But in the Message version it says:
5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
Wow. You're blessed when you're content with just who you are. Now, I may not always be content with who I am, because I always want to be more like Him, but I am content in who I belong to. So that may mean that I have to forgive when I don't really want to, or ask for forgiveness, because I know that as a child of God, that's what I need to do.
I think about what I can do if the situation should come up again. How can I deal with it? What would Christ call me to do? What would bring glory to Him? I don't ever want it to be about me. I want to get so lost in God, that when people look at me, they see Him. So that my whole life is surrendered to Him.