Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own life. I see my friends and I feel like I'm on the outside. I know I am not, but sometimes I feel like it. Sometimes I stand and observe how lucky I am, how God has changed my heart and changed my life and sometimes I feel like I am that same person I was 10 years ago. How is that?
Today my friend hosted a 'sprinkle' for a friend and I was so blessed to cook for it. Those are the times when I think I am right where I belong. This evening I am helping at a fundraiser and currently there are peanut butter cookies in the oven for it :)
I read a quote, and posted it this morning that said 'people cry, not because they are weak. It's because they've been strong too long'. I feel like I carry a lot of stuff, I hardly ever make a decision that doesn't include thinking about someone else, and how it may affect them. I try really hard never to exclude anyone, because I hate to be exclude, and then usually something happens, something small, and I let it all go. A couple weeks back, I was sitting talking to an old friend, someone I trust, and I just started crying. I don't even remember what we were talking about, nothing earth shattering, I just remember dropping my guard for just a minute, and tears just started flowing, It's not often that I let that happen. And when it does, it's a cleansing release.
Sometimes I realize I'm wound a little too tight and I've got to let go.
Right now as I seem restless and crazy, I won't act on feels but walk in faith.
2 Cor 5:7 For we live by faith, not by sight