Pursuing Love

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On my heart

October 01, 2011

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My heart has a million things to say, but it's just not time to say them.

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The journey of Grief - 1

It's been a long 3 months. Honestly harder than i thought they'd be. As someone who feels but checks boxes (gets things done) to cope (protect myself) nothing prepared me for the loss of my dad even though i had a feeling it was coming soon - But why i realized just 5 minutes ago, I've held my dad dying as a fear as a child. So maybe all this grief has been bottled up for 51 years I started listening to a podcast by Anderson Cooper about grief and Ashley Judd talked about when her mother died she also grieved death from a childhood loss and that hit me. Top all that grief off like a cherry on top of a Sundae, i have a particularly stressful job. It was a recipe for a depressive incident. I knew i wasn't doing well - I stopped wanting to eat. Went through the motions of what I'm called to do (i was really resenting making lunches for the homeless but God didn't say i could stop so i didn't), i didn't particularly like doing Margie Mail. But i tho

Moments

I feel like everyone wants something different for their lives... Married wish they were single Single wish they were married. As a people i think we are never satisfied which can be great or bad depending on how you look at it. Sometimes there are moments in my life that no matter how much good I've done, i will never ever deserve. Tonight we did a trunk or treat. The theme of my trunk was Encanto. My car was kind of "bad news bears-ish" because I'm not great at those things but i made it work and kids loved it so.... I was "Luisa" and nieces were all the other characters. In my normal fashion i had so much candy! Which, after all, is why we were there! I had started the Soundtrack over and the girls all started singing while i was restocking everyone's buckets! The girls all started singing and my heart was overwhelmed. In that very moment my heart was full and i thought "there's no way i deserve this beautiful moment" The

Little Things

People say "don't worry about the little things", you know I think we should. Not to the point of obsessing over them. God wants us to be faithful in the little things I think, before He gives us big things. I think that everyday miracles are just as important as the big ones. I even think when He gives us big things, it's important to remember that in preparation the little details are important, it might even be a bigger blessing than we thought. I would love to win like a million dollars. Take a year or two off of work (cuz you know I make a million dollars a year) and go back to school, and do... a long list of things. But I like everyday miracles. Yesterday I won a free lunch at work. We have a cafeteria at work, I eat there one or two times a week. If you put your name and number on the receipt, it goes in for a daily drawing for lunch. I won yesterday!! WOO HOO!! You would have thought I did win that million dollars, I was so excited!! I think I even shouted a

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