Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Light of the World

Most people wouldn’t know when my life is a mess. I tend to keep my arms around my mess, I try to hold it in. I don’t often tell people what is really bothering, to my core. They don’t see my heart. You could probably see the symptoms that when you ask me how I am I say “ok” or “fine” or “good”. It is my way of holding in the bad crap in my life because if I start to tell you, I’d start blubbering. There is also the symptom that I eat out too much. I feel like it’s easier… but sooner or later I have to count the cost, and it’s usually in my checkbook. It’s not that I am going or in the poor house, but I then have to buckle down a little more, turn off ‘my wanter’. My sleep pattern is disturbed and when I wake up, I find it hard to fall asleep. For the last week, I have slept like crap. I have awaken to not be able to fall asleep. Last night was about all I could take. I said “this is it Lord, I need to sleep, give me peace, this will all work out, help me”. I prayed and fell asleep.

I’ve got to scratch some more money out of the budget. A bigger college bill is coming, and I’d like to not have my daughter do student loans. I’ll be honest, I am not sure how to achieve this, I heard myself say ‘I’ but I know that if it is His will, it will come, I don’t know how I will do it, but I know He is able (Eph 3:20). But it will happen.

I’m doing what I can do. I’ve tried to plan meals for the week. Now because of my friend Nicole (who I inspired to meal plan) I’ve planned the meals for the rest of November, it’s only really 3 weeks but it’s a start! I actually did almost all the shopping for the meals last night ($80). One stop at Aldi and I should be good to go(maybe $30)! I will have to make a couple stops at Trentwood for some fruits and veggies but I am going to be disciplined enough to stay with just a few things, whatever is seasonal and on sale.

Another thing is that when things are not right for me, I do not give people the benefit of the doubt. God really kicked my tail on this yesterday. If someone mentions something to me, I will assume they want something from me. And usually we are just talking… it’s my heart that is being selfish, if I see a need, I should just know that they may (or not) need help, but I should always be so willing to give that it shouldn’t matter.

Lessons. Keep your heart in check.

Not a great picture, but the actual sunrise from my van
So today when I left for work, I saw this amazing sunrise. And my good friend said to me “His mercies are new every morning” (Lam 3:21-23) I just looked it up. It makes me want to cry! I mean really, if I let go of all I am holding back, I’d be sobbing. Read it:

21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

When I saw this sunset I thought about the verse, a light on a hill cannot be hidden.

Matthew 5:14-15

14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.

I did think, oh this reminder. Something might come my way, let me by a light for You Lord, I belong to you. Confrontation. My flesh wanted to just blow up. I made my point, and just kept thinking ‘Jesus, Jesus, Jesus’. It wasn’t easy, and I wanted to eat 10 bags of peanut M&Ms when I got back to my desk. I wanted to, but I didn’t. I am a light that cannot be hidden, not because of me, but because HIS light is in me, and it cannot be estinguised. Last week my bible study read John 1:1-18. About 6 months ago, I was blown away by John 1:5 (we read it in 3 or 5 - I can’t remember - versions)

(NIV)The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it
(NLT) The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.
(NJKV) And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it
(AMP) And the Light shines on in the darkness, for the darkness has never overpowered it [put it out or absorbed it or appropriated it, and is unreceptive to it].

Am I the only one blown away by this? I am just amazed. Sometimes we don’t hear God, sometimes we don’t feel God. But in the last couple weeks, He has blown my socks off!

Whatever comes my way… He’s there. He is the light. It is in me, and it can’t be overcome, extinguished, overpowered, and did you read NKJV- darkness cannot even COMPREHEND it! That is something worth celebrating!

So hear I go… confident in Him, who is able!

Eph 3:20-21 20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

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