Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

As my birthday rolls around.

In a few days I turn 39.



I might as well be 40, who cares, it’s just a number. I know some people really freak out about numbers. As long as they haven’t stopped, I’m good. Not bad for a woman who didn’t think she’d make it to 32, and to hear my dad tell it, he thought I’d never make it past 16. LOL.

What am I going to do my birthday? Probably not much. I'm going to have cake with my ladies from my Saturday small group, and dinner with the Dorbands on Saturday.  On Sunday, we will have lunch (we’re having tacos) and maybe catch a movie, and probably deliver dinner to the Alive Staff at Trillium.  But part of me wants to have people over!

I am sitting in my office looking at some new pics I put on the walls. I broke down the collages from Phyllis’s Grad party, put them in better frames, and hung them up. It’s quite obvious that I love my girl. I’m not finished but it’s a start. I’ve actually thought of somethings I’d like to already move. I suck at that stuff, but who cares, it’s MY office.

So I guess when you get old you take a look at your life and you wonder… and so… here’s somethings I’ve been thinking about. A lot of ridiculousness and this is your chance to turn back now (or hit the little X to close out this window).

I have no ‘real’ ministry. Sometimes it bugs me that I am not ‘in charge’ of anything. I don’t really know how I’d do it, but I wish I had a ‘path’ to follow. Instead I listen more intently to what God has for me to do. Doesn’t seem to make as big of an impact as I’d like (oh boy ‘as I’d like’) but I want my life to count for something.

I’m not married. Really, it doesn’t bother me (most days). I know it bothers other people, sometimes they look at me with those ‘oh you poor girl’ makes me feel like a spinster. But I could have been married, and I wonder how that would have turned out, can you imagine, I’d be married 14 years! WOW!

How am I going to afford to send my girl to MSU? Do other parents think about this stuff, or is it that there are two of them so they just pay for it by writing a check? I mean there is no doubt she’s going unless they are stupid and don’t accept her. But that won’t happen. I guess I just depend on God to sell off a few cattle and take care of it (Psalm 50:9-10). But that’s scary. And it’s also weird that I don’t worry about this. I think about it but I don’t worry. That’s weird.

I always wanted to be a teacher, now I want to be a principal. I’d love to go back to school for that, but (see above) that’s a lot of money. And I’m old, but I think I’d be such a great principal. I’m in Sales, I like it, it’s crazy, but I love learning, even if it is about car parts.  And I am SUPER thankful for my job!

I’m going on an overseas mission trip! HOLY MOLY! El Salvador to dig a well. So much for hanging up when God called. LOL.

I want to go to Africa. A lot of people are worried. I’m not worried. How come I’m not worried? I don’t know. I really do believe that if anything happens to me while I am there… I died for Christ. I can’t wait to kiss some of those beautiful muffins there! Also can’t figure out what organization I am going with or what I am going to do, but imagine the miles and miles of muffins!

How did I get so fat? I mean, I know how it happened, but why did I let it happen.  Gonna do something about it!

I wonder will I run the marathon this year? Will my foot be healed?  I want to SO bad!

I wish my house was decorated the way I wanted… I wish I had my new kitchen table, and my new buffet, and my new cute cabinet (that won’t be delivered until March – so no reason to run out and get the other two things from IKEA – I’ll just keep saving).

See above. I found the picture I love to put on my red wall in the living room. There is always hope. And I am going to find/take pictures of Detroit, and put them all around. There is always hope. People will probably think that’s crazy/dumb, but I don’t think so.

See Above again. I think I am going to gut by bathroom and redo it. It is crazy. But I’m starting to think I am a little off my rocker. And I wonder, why does all that decorating stuff matter to me anyway?

And most importantly I’ve been thinking ‘does my life matter?’ do I live a life that is worthy of Christ’s love? Oh probably not. I wonder, in my days, all of them, am I making the most of every opportunity to love others, those I know, and those I don’t. Do I put Him before me, everyday? I am not sure of that answer. And so I must find it.

So as 2012 is coming closer and closer…

I want to read my bible more.
I want to read it with my heart, and the end in mind.
I want to love bigger.

1 John 4:19 We love because he first loved us

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything.” ~Katherine Hepburn


Trish said...

You have a Ministry...the Misistry of Helps! And you my dear girl are the always take the lead in cooking and feeding people. And loving and kissing muffins is as natural as breathing to you. So, enjoy your birthday...celebrate, decorate and cook. Do whatever your heart desires and don't forget God's cows!
I love you!

Trish said...

That should read ministry of helps!

Netta said...

Real ministry isn't bossing people around... it's serving. And everyone should do that, with or without a title! AND YOU DO!

Love you!

ERHildy said...

You mentioned that you would like to be a principle, but feel that 40 is too old. Just a little bit of encouragement - my grandfather started running marathons at the age of 40. He is in his early 70s now - he has ran well over 100 marathons all in every state of the us, yes that does include Alaska and Hawaii. You're just getting started at 40! Although I'm small, that does not mean I am in shape. My 70 year old grandpa could run laps around me. Don't let your age stop you from your dreams.. Make goals and stick to them. I love that you want to do missions now! How awesome! I hoPe you are able to visit Africa someday!