I was at the gym today and wondered ‘how did you get here?’ Not like how did I arrive, because I drove Gertie, but how did I get to this weight, I am a little over a year away from being 40 and I am not at the weight or in love with myself as I think I should be.
Let me tell you about this young woman who at the age of 31 decided that she would no longer look in the mirror and hate what she saw. So she worked really hard, 8 workouts a week – I worked out 5 days – 3 of the days two a days. Cardio 5 mornings, and weights and strength training and more cardio the 3 days. I look back at the those pictures and think ‘wow’ but at the time, I wasn’t getting it. I wasn’t liking myself.
I was looking for value in so many wrong places. In the mirror, in men, in my work, and none of those really turned out very well for me, except for maybe the work part because I really did learn a lot.
And then one day, a story for another day, it all seemed to have crashed around me. It wasn’t like this big ‘BOOM’ but more like things just seemed to come crashing down.
And that’s where I met God. A mess.
It has taken years to get out of this mess I created based on misconceptions and wrong choices.
And I find myself somewhere that if you would have asked me when I was 32… a place I thought I’d never be again… FAT.
It’s taken a lot of work to undo thoughts and feelings.
But I’m fat. And I hate being fat. As I work on fitness and eating well, I slowly start to remember what it felt like to feel ‘good’. I want to run. I want to eat well.
And then sometimes the stress of life seems so crazy and hard, that I just want a piece of pizza or some mashed potatoes.
But the last time I worked on getting fit AND thin, I didn’t have something. I was missing something.
I was missing a life fully surrendered to God. I was missing a Love that I never thought possible.
I am sure of the twists and turns that have gotten me to where I am today, a lot of missteps and mistakes.
But those days are gone. They are a part of who I once was, not who I am today.
Everyday I am a little closer to who God really created me to be.
A woman who loves and is loved.
Gal 4:1-7 1 What I am saying is that as long as an heir is underage, he is no different from a slave, although he owns the whole estate. 2 The heir is subject to guardians and trustees until the time set by his father. 3 So also, when we were underage, we were in slavery under the elemental spiritual forces[a]of the world. 4 But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship.[b] 6Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba,[c] Father.” 7So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.