I remember the day. I don’t remember the exact date, but I remember the day that God said to me (while I was dating someone), “I want you to love only Me”. That was a hard day. Number 1, the guy I was dating was a great guy. And Number 2, I had no idea what the heck that looked like. I’m no Mother Teresa for crying out loud, nor do I want to end up in life without a husband I thought…
Yesterday I was talking to a dear friend, and that day was brought up again… And then today, it was AGAIN, only this time in a discussion with God.
After a crazy day of prayer, I think I was crying about 30 seconds into the Praise & worship singing of service today. I was thinking about how good God is. I was praying the names of Jesus that I’ve been focusing on this week:
ABBA Romans 8:15
ADVOCATE 1 John 2:1
ALMIGHTY Gen 17:1
ALPHA Rev 22:13
I was thinking about how He much He is in my life! I was just crying! What a mess I would have looked like, and I found myself wondering a lot of things, including, ‘why did you put mascara on this morning?’.
I know that day, the day He told me that He wanted me to love only me, I know that it was for my own good. I know that when I am lonely, it is because I am not seeking Him like I should. He’s always there, it’s just whether I turn to see His face or pursue Him. And it also means I need to stop looking at Love like the world looks like it.
I know that I am not really a prize the way that the world views things. I own a home, but it’s not huge. I am not rich, I am average looking, I am overweight, I drive a mini-van (and most think the reasons I bought it are RIDICULOUS!).
But God ruined me that day. I will no longer settle. I will no longer think that someone is ‘good enough’. I know that I am beautiful in His eyes, that I am not measured by the world’s ruler. I know that I am not defined by someone else’s standards. I used to think that I’d be lucky if I found someone who allowed me to serve in various ways, now I know that God will find someone who encourages me to serve.
I don’t look for advice by the world’s standards. I look for biblical teachings. I look for my answers from God. Wisdom, discernment. I know not only where my knowledge comes from, but my hope as well.
God ruined me. I won’t settle for someone who looks great on paper but is a man that God has worked in and through. He will have integrity. He will know that His strength comes from Him not anywhere else. He will know that excellence honors God and is a reflection of His character, but not only will he know it, he will live it.
Do I think that the man I marry will be perfect? No, but he will strive to be more like Jesus everyday. He will be a man after God’s own heart.
I know that everyday loving Jesus, following Him, reading His word, living my life striving also to be more like Him, will make me into the woman that I was created to be. A woman after God’s own heart.
I am thankful for that day. It hasn’t been easy. But it has always been worth it.
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