Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Thursday, July 05, 2012

Rambling thoughts

All day I thought yesterday was Saturday, so it was kind of weird that I had to get up and go to work instead of church today. But hey, I am super thankful for my new job.

Yesterday was a great day! I spent the morning getting things straightened out in the house, and getting some exercise in. Then I had breakfast with probably one of the most supportive people in my life. I love that she is just so encouraging & gives good Godly advice. Then after that I just came home, made some dessert and went to my cousin’s house. I brought my nephews Levi and Judah for a date though I got replaced by Emily towards the end of the evening  but it was all good! We had so much fun, and we went swimming, I am so thankful that my family is open to letting the boys come with us. The boys are awesome and my family is awesome! So it’s a winning combination.

We had a big storm in the D and everyone is freaking out because there is no power in a lot of places. Not having power used to drive me over the edge. I’d be all crazy wondering when it would come back on, but I was at my cousin’s and I thought “well, if I don’t have power, it’s just like Haiti  We went a long time without power, and if I learned something (which I learned a lot of things) – electricity is a privilege not a right. I learned that about a lot of things.

I think one of the biggest lessons I learned is to go with the flow. I learned to really trust God and to remember that He is in complete control. He knows and controls when documentation will be released, He knows when and where every child will be born.

One of my first days I looked around and wondered “why did You let this happen? And in all this craziness, why are You allowing children to be born here? Especially when I know so many people who want to have biological children?”

And then it happened… I fell in love with Haiti. I fell in love with the people and their spirits. Sometimes they looked tired (and I am sure they thought the same about me), but it’s a place of Hope. It is a place where people praise Him no matter their circumstances. When you walk past someone and say “Como Yeah?” (how are you in Creole) they say “I am well by the grace of God”. How about that?

I know a lot of people think I did some great thing by going to Haiti and loving orphans and the people who care for them, but so much I feel like they did for me. I wanted to love bigger than I had ever done in the past, I wanted my heart to change. And it did. They changed my life forever.

I know that a lot of people are thinking “don’t worry, things will get back to normal” and they have said it to me, but I have to say that while I am readjusting to America, I don’t want my heart to be the same. It was forever changed by God and I don’t want it to change back. I know that I am not the “Norm” of society, I know that following Jesus may seem crazy!!! And it is, but I feel like maybe I should be the norm, that when God changes your heart, you put both hands in the air and you say “I surrender”. It’s taken me a long time (or at least it seems that way) to give Him my whole life, and I still struggle and probably always will. But in the moments when I hear His voice, and I read His word, and it makes complete sense to my heart and my mind, I am blown away and completely in love.

I tell people that I’d love to be married. But I don’t want to just be married, I want to be married to the perfect man that God has for me, one who is also surrender to Jesus. That everyday, together, we serve Him, and each other. Let us not think about ourselves but only others. (Man that sounds insane when I say/type it out(loud).) It may happen, it may never happen (I hope it does!!!) but whatever God’s plan is for my life, I hope I am never too afraid to follow Him.

I am thankful to God every day of my life. He brings me on some crazy adventures that make the biggest of roller coasters seem like ant hills. And sometimes it’s crazy scary because I can’t see what’s around the corner (and maybe I wouldn’t go if I knew) and the adrenaline or the rush (usually I’m in tears because I think of how great the journey was) is AMAZING!

Every day is our mission. Every person is part of our mission field, whether they know Christ or not, to love them like He does! I pray that everyday, I am filled up, to be emptied again.

I don’t know how this post about the 4th of July got to this… but it’s what my heart is pouring out!

“In that day you will say: “Give praise to the LORD, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted.” Isaiah 12:4 NIV

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