I have two ways to go… just like everyone else… back to who I was or to sit at the feet of Jesus.
I really know that there is only one option, but sometimes for a minute “I go there”. Yesterday after a rough day (I can’t go into it all) I thought about going to get a big fat greasy cheeseburger from Wendy’s along with fries and a frostie… or worse… but I didn’t do either of those. I think people look at my life and think I'm good, but I struggle too. I went by the water for a little while, and breathed in. A lot of times there is no place than I’d like to be than outside. I actually long to go to Lake Michigan which is weird because it’s not really a place that I ever really went as a child, but I really want to go… I don’t like camping but for some reason, I want to go camping. Weird.
I’m very thankful because it seems that at “just the right time” God sends me someone that helps me work through stuff. I’m not the kind of person who gives counseling “oh, just try this” or “sugar coat” that, however, I am kind and compassionate but this ain’t Mary Poppins and a spoonful of sugar isn’t gonna help it go down, suck it up, and fix the issue. And sometimes that means that we have to do uncomfortable things like look in the mirror and say “God made you beautiful” (which is my latest task!) It seems that sometimes it’s a coincidence or something, but it happens. And I’m thankful.
Sometimes when I have to work through stuff I feel raw and vulnerable which is probably one of the hardest things for me. Some people really don’t mind it if they are have to be vulnerable, that someone might have to take care of them, but for me, Miss Idon’tneedanyonetoakecareofme (imagine signing that name on your mortgage papers!) it’s difficult. I kind of relate it to growing tomato plants. It takes the summer’s hot sun to getting caught in “impending doom rain” (that’s a Phyllis-ism), and some pruning to produce good fruit. I am sure that if tomato plants had feelings, they wouldn’t like any of it either, but after all that is done, the yumminess of summer tomatoes is worth it, and the fruit that God produces through us is so much better than that.
So, if you read my blog, please patient, there’s going to be a lot my growing (which also means struggling too and how God is working it out). I’m starting a study with some friends on the book Captivating when I get back from El Salvador, and will be finishing up the book “Sun Stand Still”. God is working stuff out, making me brave, and most importantly, like Him.
I’m still so captivated by The Message version of 2 Cor 12:9 (I actually read it to someone outloud the other day and I could have just jumped!! With joy!!)
2 Cor 12:9 (msg)
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.