Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

He is always strong

I’m not a good fake it til you make it kind of gal. I try really hard to put a smile on my face but I can tell you that I don’t think that there has been a day since I’ve been back from Haiti that I haven’t cried for some reason or another. Happy, sad, for the goodness of His grace, love, and mercy. I can hear a song and be reminded of someone and cry.

So as much as I’d like to tell you about some great thing like not eating (I did that earlier) I’ll tell you that as excited I am about overcoming my crazy food issues, I’m a mess inside, and I’d be a liar if I told you that I am not struggling with anything.

As excited as I am to start the school year, I am scared. There are a lot of things going on, and there are a lot of opportunities for me to mess things up. And with all that busy-ness I have to make a very conscious effort to spend my alone time with God. Also… I feel like the enemy is knocking down my door, trying to sneak in my windows, and sometimes his dark voice rattles around in my head.

When I was struggling with something, a friend of mine said “why do you think you’re so broken?” and I said “who has told me any different?” most of my life I have felt sub-standard… and I know people say mean things, but no one ever stuck up for me. I needed someone to protect me, and they didn’t. I learned to put in my own protective devices… walls… Most of the time I think of when the last time someone in my family was proud of me, I can’t think of a story later than when I was 11. I just think I didn’t end up the way I thought they wanted me to… It’s ok, God has created me for something way bigger than anything they had imagined.

I called my friend Erin yesterday to see how she was doing, she’s moving, and we were talking, and there is something about her… I just started crying about a few things, and she said “You have to believe who God says He is, and who He says you are”. Now, I know that! I have known that, but like Julia Roberts says in Pretty Woman – the bad stuff is easier to believe. I struggle with the choices I make all the time or I know my thoughts (even if I don’t say them outloud) so when someone says something that is negative it just solidifies what my thoughts are about myself, and the enemy uses that to leave me in the dark. I think that is a reason why God says in Eph 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. None of us need someone else to knock each other down.

So each day, I tell myself I am beautiful, even if I look like a dirt-ball or my skin is peeling because I got sunburned. I remember that God created me for care and serving. For hugging and loving. And when I make a bad choice, I am reminded of His amazing grace, because it is afterall true, that if I was perfect I wouldn't need Jesus. I am reminded that if it was only me, He would have gotten up on the cross because I am loved loved loved!

I am weak a lot of days but I remember that when I am weak, He is strong, that He protects me, even when it feels like no one else will.

2 Cor 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
The lyrics of Savior King –

And now the weak
say I have strength
By the spirit of power
And now the poor stand and confess
That my portion is served and I'm more than blessed
And now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare you our king
We love you Lord
We worship you
You are our God
You alone are good.
And now your church shine as the bride
That you saw in your heart as you offered up your life
And now the lost being welcomed home by the saved and redeemed,
those adopted as your own
And now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare you our king
We love you Lord
We worship you
You are our God
You alone are good.
You asked your son
To carry this
The heavy cross
Our weight of sin
I love you Lord
I worship you
Hope which was lost
Now stands renewed
I give my life
To honour this
The love of Christ
 The Saviour King


Anonymous said...

He will hold you up and he will love you till the end of your toes. Stay connected and stay loving Jesus. Love you Margie. You are never not forgotten.

Margie said...

Never not thought of... Not never not forgotten... Silly... Miss you

Anonymous said...

I like it when u say silly u too bad

Jada's Gigi said...

we are all broken...the effects of sin in this world...when we realize just how broken we are..that is when He can begin to heal us....