Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Monday, August 13, 2012

Let me be the light

I'm sitting on the porch of this beautiful resort and the world is dark ahead of me and around me. There is a light that is shining (so we can see) and every so often it seems a bird flies over my head. 
I look up to realize its not a bird it's a small bug but with the light it seems to be so big. 
I was just sitting here thinking how big my loneliness feels. Its not others who make me feel lonely it's all the crazy darkness in my head. And a light shines on it (my crazy self) it seems magnified. I sit and a text to send once I get wifi and I'm crying. Thinking what am I doing here? They don't even need me, they are all doers that's why they are here. But I know I was called I come here! I know I know I know!!! God has a purpose for me here, but I have to look up to see. 
I read my bible- opened to Isaiah 6. And it's talking about how isaiah is a mess he's dirty (unclean) but I can only imagine that he knows god loves him and he loves god and whatever is going on in his heart and life when god says "whom shall I send?" he is like horshack in welcome back kotter "pick me pick me" (send me send me!!)
So here I sit, not knowing what lies ahead, scared, lonely, feeling inadequate and a mess, knowing I'm a screw up and I'll still raise my hand every single time and say

Send me 

Dear God-let me be your light today (John 1:1-15)

Sending love from el Salvador 

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