I look up to realize its not a bird it's a small bug but with the light it seems to be so big.
I was just sitting here thinking how big my loneliness feels. Its not others who make me feel lonely it's all the crazy darkness in my head. And a light shines on it (my crazy self) it seems magnified. I sit and a text to send once I get wifi and I'm crying. Thinking what am I doing here? They don't even need me, they are all doers that's why they are here. But I know I was called I come here! I know I know I know!!! God has a purpose for me here, but I have to look up to see.
I read my bible- opened to Isaiah 6. And it's talking about how isaiah is a mess he's dirty (unclean) but I can only imagine that he knows god loves him and he loves god and whatever is going on in his heart and life when god says "whom shall I send?" he is like horshack in welcome back kotter "pick me pick me" (send me send me!!)
So here I sit, not knowing what lies ahead, scared, lonely, feeling inadequate and a mess, knowing I'm a screw up and I'll still raise my hand every single time and say
Dear God-let me be your light today (John 1:1-15)
Sending love from el Salvador