Sometimes when we’ve been hurt or left in our past, we feel like maybe if we hurt someone (even when telling the truth) they will leave or be mad at us, and sometimes, if you are like me, saying good-bye is hard, even when it is voluntary.
I always want to be told the truth. I would rather know the truth and deal with it, then be happy believing a lie.
I wrestle with this. A lot of people have left me in my life. Some voluntary, and some like my momma, involuntary, and because of that, saying good-bye hurts. It’s why sometimes when I struggle with something, I don’t always share it, I keep it tucked inside and work through it on my own, even though I know it might be easier to share it with someone, but people leave, and that hurts.
What if they think I am awesome and amazing (as many do – they are nuts!!) and they hear about my crap and they are like “eww… don’t want to be associated with her”. That would hurt.
I am not saying I am fake, I’ve got plenty of mess that God turns into a message, I’m just saying I don’t always lay it all out there. I often wait until God reveals to me that it needs to be put out there.
And I also am realizing that I am a whole lot more than the mess that I created, but I am the daughter of the Highest of High Kings, I am seeing that in Him I am righteous, and He loves me, and created me to be beautiful. I am someone who receives grace, and I need to learn to be more real so that I can experience the greatness of grace and love, and in turn it will make me more grace giving, more loving, more forgiving. Just like He created me to be... more like Him everyday.
I was thinking of a dear friend and a conversation that we had… I wanted to say (and maybe I did in different words) I always want you to tell me the truth, even if it hurts… I’ll always be your friend… and in turn, I will always tell you the truth too…
Proverbs 12:19 Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment