After the weeks I have had I can see it. I'm trying to focus on all the goodness of the world. I've tried focusing on God and all His blessings. And my blog and my thoughts seem so emo. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I'm struggling. I refuse to pretend that things are great when They aren't. The thoughts in my head go from one extreme to the other. My brain, my heart, and my stomach are tired.
I was listening to a song that said "let my life be the truth" and all I could think of was how it all seems like such a big fat disappointment. I try to focus on looking at the beautiful faces of my nephews and i think wow God is awesome. I look at all the goodness in the world and I try to focus on it but when nothing seems like it's going the way I heard God promise. It just isn't. And it sucks. And when you eat and your sick it sucks (I just took a bite of my most favoritest cookies and my stomach hurt and thought there isn't a way I can eat that cookie without puking) between this and that, it just stinks.
I sang "our God reigns" knowing He does. I know that NOT ONE THING happens without His permission. And i know that He loves me. And I know that I matter to God and I know I was created to bring glory to Him. I know that I was created to praise Him. In my sadness and disappointment I continue to raise my hands to Him because I love Him even if my life reflects the disappointment that I feel.
I know that God is good when things are good and when, well, things hurt like heck. I know that so many times when I'm hurting He has sent me some crazy love. In crazy ways. I know God is good.
Let my life be the truth.
Let my life be the truth of His goodness. Let me see it in sacrifice and hurt. Let me reflect His love all days. When there is a target on my back or not. Let my life seek Him in all things in my life. Let my life reflect His Word to others. Let me love those who are hurting like me. Let me trust Him when He says in the Beatitudes:
"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. (Matthew 5:4 MSG)
Let me live me life like the beatitudes. Trusting in God in all circumstances. Everyday as I cling a little more to Him it gets a little easier. I've always wanted my blog to be a place of truth no matter when the times are good or not. I will continue to pursue Him and this is our journey together. He is holding my hand and my heart.
"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought. "You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat. "You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for. "You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. "You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family. "You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom. (Matthew 5:0, 0, 3-10 MSG)