My summer was amazing!
It was busy, and crazy, but crazy good. The summer was hot, and it didn’t really seem to have too much rain. I basked in the heat and warmth that summer had to bring. I saw glorious sunrises and beautiful sunsets. I wrote about the way the felt, not the way they looked. I read my bible, listened to podcasts, worship music all the time, loved like crazy. Here, there, and everywhere.
I never thought much about the drought that the summer heat brought. I never thought about how it would eventually make the ground.
I am in a time when it seems impossible to breathe. The ground seems hard, and I instantly thought of the parable about sowing seeds. And the funny part is that not even knowing what was going to be read to me in the Gospel of Luke, I listened to Luke 8.
4 While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: 5 “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds ate it up. 6 Some fell on rocky ground, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.”
When he said this, he called out, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”
9 His disciples asked him what this parable meant. 10 He said, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that,
“‘though seeing, they may not see;
though hearing, they may not understand.’[a]
11 “This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. 12 Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. 13 Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. 14 The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. 15 But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.
Last night I was at Alive Prayer, and we sang “Everything” by Lifehouse. I sang the words, crying.
The lyrics “And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you”. I think that in the meaning of the song it’s to say “of course I’m moved because You are who You are and all you’ve done. I found myself thinking “I know You are here, but I just am not moved. I’m paralyzed.” I can praise God for who He is (and I do) . I know what to say, I know His Word, I can speak Christianese is need be, but I just don’t feel You. But I'm collecting seeds. Waiting. Let them break through the ground and seep into my heart. Keep doing what I know to do, just waiting, because I know He is good. Always.
And maybe people aren’t honest about where they are in their walk, but I am. I can’t be the only one who struggles with times like these.. This summer, I’ve felt God all along, there was a moment or day or two that maybe I didn’t hear Him, but after shutting up and giving Him a chance to speak, I heard Him, He never left me, He spoke to me, His Word pierced my heart.
But now it’s so different. This weekend, all I heard Him say was “Be still and know I am God” (Psalm 46:10). And I knew that if I didn’t, He’d make me.
But I still find myself reaching. I’m reaching. I’m reaching for You God. I want to feel You, I want to hear You. I’m being quiet. My life is busy, and I’m exhausted, and I’m slowing down, just like You said to do.
I know that to everything there is a season. There is a reason for the summer, and the fall, and the spring, and even the winter. God had great design in every season. There is a reason why the ground rests, just as we should. I’ve stood in the quietness of the falling snow, I’ve heard Him whisper sweet songs of Love to me, and I know that it is coming, it’s just hard to wait. But I will wait upon Him, in my loneliness, in my restlessness. He is here.
Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted