Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Tuesday, October 30, 2012

My momma is my hero

When I talk about my mom, it's always hard. I almost always cry. It's because I miss something I never had... My dad told me the other day that he was watching me talk and it was like watching my mom. Funny, he told me not to get teary, but he knew that I would. I'm a little blubbery just talking about it.


I wish they made this for mommas!
People look at others as heroes. I wonder what they use as their measuring stick for what makes someone a hero. I look at great parents, great moms, great dads who sacrifice. People who sacrifice in general, those who sacrifice for something greater than themselves.  I think about my momma who gave up her life for me.  I think about my dad who raised me, and even though I can be quite a pill...  he didn't do too bad with what he had to work with. 

I’ve been writing about my mom, which makes me think about her more than usual. It makes the non-memories more painful. Isn’t that weird that memories that you don’t have can make you sad?

In 2007 I walked in the 3-day breast cancer walk in order to find healing from God from the huge pain that I had in my life because of the absence of my mother. But in all that, there was huge glory brought to God because, that after all, is why we were created. To bring Him praise and glory.

When I walked in the walk, I entered a contest to pay for my entry fee. If you wonder, why I walked… this is it.

No one loves you like your momma.  She's my hero.

Why I Walk by Margie Maierle

To try to put my finger on why I am walking in the 3 day breast cancer walk is like trying to nail down jello. There are so many reasons. I walk for those who have passed before us, I walk for those who have survived. I walk for those who held their breath during a breast exam or a mammogram, and who held their breath waiting for the results.

My mom died when I was 16 months old, she was 31. Both of these ages seem too young. I walk in the hope that one day I hope that I can truly celebrate Mother’s Day. I am a mother of a beautiful daughter, but when I think of Mother’s Day, I think of all the projects made for someone else, not my mom. I think of the flowers brought to her grave. I think of all the times when someone would hear that I didn’t have a mom and ask me about it.

I walk because the one thing my mother taught me long after she was gone was how much you can love your children. I walk in honor of my mom who knew love so big that she chose my life over hers. She didn’t have the option of treatment, She was pregnant when she found out she had breast cancer. Well, she had the option, but it would have killed me, because she was pregnant with me. She chose my life, in doing that, she chose to give up her own. She loved me before she knew me, that much. After she died, the doctor told my dad that even if she would have had the treatment, she wouldn’t have survived anyway, that was almost 33 years ago. In honor of her choices, I named my daughter Phyllis, after her. A name that in my mind, only means one thing, love.

For most of my life, I thought I would die young, I thought that before the age of 32, I would too, die. I celebrated my 32nd birthday, not my 30th. I held my breath the entire day that my daughter was the same age as me (to the day) when my mom died. It sounds silly, but to me, it didn’t seem silly. I walk so that Breast cancer will not be a death sentence. I walk so that no other child will know the pain of losing a mother.

I walk in honor of my dad, my cousins, my aunts, uncles, and all of my family who miss her. I walk in honor of my daughter who never had the opportunity to meet someone with that much love. I walk in honor of myself who has daily struggles of missing her mom, and misses that I can’t just pick up a phone and call her.

I walk for hope.

I walk for a mother’s love.

3 comments:

Crown of Beauty said...

Sometimes I come here to just read... and connect... offer a silent prayer then move on.

This morning I read some of your updates on FB... and some bad people came and stole things from your home.

This post brought tears to my eyes.

So beautiful.

Love
Lidia

Crown of Beauty said...

Sometimes I come here to just read... and connect... offer a silent prayer then move on.

This morning I read some of your updates on FB... and some bad people came and stole things from your home.

This post brought tears to my eyes.

So beautiful.

Love
Lidia

Anonymous said...

Wow what a great letter. Thank you for sharing it like you said you would.