Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Monday, November 19, 2012

Christmas decorating... NOT!

Normally I would have put my tree up this weekend. I always put it up the weekend before Thanksgiving.

This year, there is no decorating of the Christmas tree.

There are no decorations at all. This year the holidays will go by and nothing will change in our house, except that I think Phyllis is putting up some lights in her room.

I don’t care about the holidays this year, quite frankly, except for the shopping part (which I totally enjoy) I don’t care if they come and go. I actually wish Jesus would come before they get here.

I don’t need a holiday to remember that Christ was born on Christmas (which I am not really all that sure about the December 25th day but I guess it’s as good a day as any to celebrate). I don’t need a holiday to remember that God sent His son as a baby because I needed Him to give me eternal life. I know that. And it seems like there is so much crabbiness about "the real reason for the season" that it sucks the life out of it anyway.

It’s just a lot of work to put all the stuff up, and to take it all down. My house isn’t very big so there is a lot of rearranging that has to be done in order to make it all happen. Eh. Forget about it.

I’m not bringing any extra attention to my home that we celebrate Christmas, robbers can go hit my neighbor’s houses instead.

Everyday is a new day. Sometimes God comforts my heart and sometimes I feel like He stands there waiting for me to reach out to Him. Today is a day that I have to seek Him, and those days are hard. Doesn’t mean that I won’t, just means it’s hard because there is pain in those moments. I feel like Sundays are my hardest days, and so Mondays are sometimes the aftermath of that. In all of the brokenness that I see and feel, and who knew I could get so angry in putting a key in the lock (I want to punch someone’s face EVERY single time I put my key in the lock) I know that I must keep on going. Keep on reaching.

Picture from here
I know there is healing in the end… I just don’t know when or how long it’s gonna take… so I’ll be thankful in the mean time, even if I don’t feel very thankful. I guess I should be thankful for the rain. Thanks God for the rain, would You mind sending an umbrella?

I guess it's time to learn to dance in the rain.

And maybe you think I shouldn’t be so honest about my pain on my blog… I have some good days and bad days… but life is just like that. The more we chase after God, the more the enemy chases after us. But we must keep on going, even if it’s a minute by minute or second by second decision. Never. Give. Up.

Mathew 5:44-48 44 But I say, love your enemies![a] Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends,[b] how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.


Diane said...

I wept as I read this post. My heart breaks for you. I so wish I were there so I could wrap my arms around you and hold you and comfort you. Thank you for being so honest, for living out loud and not fearing to be real. I love you, Margie; I am praying for you and holding you in my heart.

Margie said...

From Mrs. Mac (i hit the wrong button)
I'm not sure we should continually 'chase after God' I think He meets us right where we are .. in pain, joy, heartache, worship, life, emptiness, gratitude, cups running over. If we chase after him we grow weary and want to give up. He wants to hold us in the hollow of His hand, we need to be still and know that He is God. Chasing after Him reminds me of a dog that chases after a car .. you know the cure for that? A squirt bottle with soapy water aimed at its eyes. Now that hurts. You are hurting and it's very evident in your writing of late.

I once walked in on some burglars ... talk about scary .. and I bolted from the house once I heard them upstairs .. it was Christmas time .. and they ripped open small packages, stole jewelry (heirloom stuff) .. and even my $500 camera (this was in 1979 and it took me two years to save that much $. I was just thankful that I didn't get shot or killed and the other stuff, including the camera didn't really matter .. and you know what .. the following week I met Mr. Mac and guess what??? He had the exact same Cannon 35 mm camera! (of course I checked the serial numbers ha, ha, tee-hee:) You are at the top of my prayer list sweet sister.