I know that it could be misunderstood that I may be regretting my crazy summer, or any part of it.
I just don’t understand.
Most of the time I don’t.
I just have a control problem, I like to know what God has planned.
So much was revealed this summer to me about a lot of things. It was awesome… and now I’m back in the dark, and I don’t like it one bit.
While it’s true I trust God, I wonder if He’s saying to me “do you really trust Me?” If I feel like He’s left me so that I will seek Him more.
I don’t know.
Do you see a theme here? I don’t know anything.
While I might not know anything… Might not? Ha! That’s funny.
I am thankful.
I’m thankful for love, I’m thankful for Haiti, I’m thankful for El Salvador, I’m thankful for MY WHOLE summer. I learned a lot, I learned to open my heart bigger than I ever thought possible, and I really don’t think I’m done yet.
I’m just afraid. What if it’s never that good again?
That’s scary. I can say that this summer was probably the best I ever had, because I loved.
I hate fear. I won’t be afraid, because love just doesn’t end.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love
And I know my blog seems kind of crazy, but I feel like I can’t be the only one who goes through stuff and is afraid to share thinking that people will think I’m weak or vulnerable. Well, I am. But in all things, I give thanks. And I will never ever be sorry I loved.
1 Thes 5:17-18 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.