Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Ramblings of an open heart

It's been one of days when God really speaks to me in so many ways. Sometimes I have to do things that make me uncomfortable, and I opened my heart today, which meant that I was going to cry a lot.

I wrote more of my book than I did this morning it's pretty excited. God spoke to me through this, and so much more!

Having an open heart today...

I was singing a song at the funeral "Whom shall I send?" and I know so many times I have sung that song but it hit me today. I have always noticed that sometimes when people leave the Catholic church to go to a non-Catholic church they are upset because they say that it's about rules.  I'd like to say that I don't think that way.  when I return to the Catholic Church for whatever reason, it's usually a funeral, I think about the prayers, I sing the songs, I hear the words into my heart, I let them seep deep into my heart. Because I had spent so much time in the church, I can actually sing the songs without opening the hymnal. 

So as I crying, here are the words, read them, let them sink into your heart, really hear them.  This song was based off of Isaiah 6:8 (Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”I said, “Here I am. Send me.”)

I, the Lord of sea and sky,

I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin
My hand will save.

I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord. Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my peoples pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.

I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my word to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord. Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will tend the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.

Finest bread I will provide
Till their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord. Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart

I had two bracelets on that I wore most of the summer.  At one point at the end of the summer, I took them off. They have been sitting on the ledge in my kitchen, until I was ready to put them back on.  One of them says Haiti and the other says "Here I am". I am not completely ready to put them back on yet, I will.  I am not sure of them timing yet, I am waiting for God to say "put them on" because He know my heart.  He knows when I will be ready.

Today, I have spent a lot of the day in prayer. Heart wide open.  I prayed before I was writing in my book, I was praying while in the car, singing praises to God.  I even prayed when I tried on a dress today, hoping that I would like what I saw in the mirror when I put it on.  (I did, wearing it tomorrow).  One thing in my prayers today, God said to "hold onto the love, let go of the pain".  I've been praying to let go, and I kept asking God what the deal was.  He answered today.  Hold on to love, and don't let it go.  So I am not going to.  I am going to let go of the pain, and the fear, BUT I WILL NOT LET GO OF LOVE.

Here's the thing, I have been so afraid of so many things for so long I think that I would say I do everything afraid. Which is true.  I've held onto so much pain for long and because of that I've lived afraid and held back love for so long because I was afraid to be hurt. But I learned of love, and I lived unafraid  and I've learned to trust.  I am tired of being afraid, tired of wondering if love is true, wondering if life is really all that great because I have lived in the shadow of fear.  It reminds me of verse 4 (NKJV) of Psalm 23 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I am TIRED of walking in the shadow of death/fear.  I want to live in the light, no more shadows.

So I'm holding onto love. 

I am choosing NOT to let go of love but to let go of pain and fear. I choose to fabulous love.

No hurt.

God's love
Just love.

1 John 4:18-19 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other[a] because he loved us first.

1 comment:

Diane said...

Sitting here tryin to think what I want to say....nothing comes. I am constantly in awe of you. You are so much more than you can see yourself as. What an amazing young woman you are! Truly amazing, Margie. I love you with my whole give my heart such great joy!