Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Friday, November 23, 2012

Vacation , my heart, & fear

It's a beautiful day in Greenwood, IN. I had to run out to the meijer in town. I found the meijer, the Kroger, the Starbucks, the Salvation Army and a few other stores.  It's a great little town kind of reminds me of Kalamazoo. We even found the Target too!
It's been nice to watch my daughter decompress since we've been down here. She drove the whole way and she will probably drive the whole way home, which is fine for me. 
Been thinking so much about my heart lately....
Out of the overflow of our heart our mouth speaks (Luke 6:45) and I feel like so much my mouth has been speaking fear. You know that's the time when I'm most upset when I'm scared. I will seriously freak out about something and someone will think I'm mad but really I'm afraid.  People don't always get that because fear wears many different masks. Maybe that's why God is so deliberate when He tells us so much not to fear or be afraid because He knows fears disguises.
Lately it's been the house. 
When I took those first steps on that unseasonably warm February day in 2002 I knew the house I lived in was meant to be mine. I hadn't been into it yet, but my heart knew. I sat on the porch that summer and felt like I had lived there 100 years. I spent the fall wrapped in a blanket in the porch nestled in with a good book or with a friend and a glass of wine. I walk into my house after a long day or a day where the world has seemed to try to crush me and my house was a place where I found peace and now... Not so much. And I hate it. 
I wonder if I'll ever find peace again. I know it will probably take time but it really bugs me.  I said all along i didnt care about the stuff... and i still dont but the absence of peace, it drives me crazy.
I just want my house to be that place of peace again. That place where I snuggle up and relax. A place that just isn't my house but its my home.

Romans 15:13 I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13 NLT)

1 comment:

Diane said...

Praying that God will restore your sense of haven in your home.....maybe that's just a reminder that, no matter how peaceful we get here, it's only that old hymn says "this world is not my home, I'm just a passin through"....truly, we are passing through as we journey to our eternal home.....enjoy your respite and hold fast to the Lord!